My Definition of Heaven...

Last night, Lucy and I cozied up in our jammies, under a blanket with a bowl of popcorn. We watched Toy Story. She was so excited to watch her first Disney movie - she actually sat through the entire 80 minutes! As we watched the show, she would randomly say, "Huggies Mom?" and hug me throughout the show because she was so happy. At one point, she turned to me out of the blue and said, "I love you Momma." Heaven!!!

Conversations with a Toddler...

(As a mexi-bake meal is presented to Lucy)
Lucy: "We're eating mexican! Ole!!!" (have never said "Ole!" to her in my life...)

(As I tell her I love her for the 50th time that day)
Lucy: "Mom...Don't! Don't love me anymore!"
Me: "I have to Luce...it's my job!"

(As I go get her after day #2 of playing during naptime..)
Me: "Hey Luce..why is Mikette* in the laundry basket?"
Lucy: "She was hitting and being not nice" (apparently her laundry basket is her "time out" location).

Lucy: "My boobs are for feeding Tommy, Mom."
Me: "No Lucy, only mom feeds Tommy. But someday you will be a mom and maybe you will feed a baby with your boobs."
Lucy: "Oookay..." (all disappointed).


*FYI: There are 5 babies that go up and down the stairs with Lucy during nap and bedtime. We call them the "Tier 1" babies. These include, in order of importance (as I see it): Dora, Baby Darlene with headband, Baby Choo Choo with pacifier, Snow White from Italy, Snow White Dora, and Mikette. Mikette has also been stripped of her clothing for reasons unknown. "Tier 2" babies are in her stroller and include, in no particular order: Nelly, Laeesha, Froggy, Princess Dora and Noisy.

Is This the Sign?

I have been thinking that I wouldn't attempt potty training with Lucy until spring (she'd be almost 3 and wearing lighter clothes, etc,), unless she did something that made it REAL obvious she was ready. Well, I am wondering if this morning is that sign. As I was showering, she came into the bathroom, dressed in full jammies, and proceeded to sit down on her potty and tell me she was pooping. She actually did go, with diaper on and the whole deal. At the same time, this is the girl who had a diaper off for 30 seconds, between her bedroom and bathtub, and proceeded to pee on her bedroom carpet just last week. She has started to mind a little if she pooped her diaper, but sometimes not so much. I am looking for advice from anyone out there...because the last thing I want to do is have a kid who is "sort of" ready, and it is dragged out over 6-9 months. I'd rather do "potty boot camp" and try and get it done in a week. Is this a huge sign, or a random occurance?
Thoughts???

A Funny Afternoon...

Lucy decided not to nap yesterday, as sometimes happens after a "big morning." She had school in the a.m. and then her "Meema" took us girls out to lunch. She spent nap time playing with her babies. At one point, Matt peeked in on her in her room and she had about 6 babies lined up against the wall and heard phrases like, "There you go Dora..." and "You want your paci, *Mikette? O.k. I'll get it for you..." She had the time of her life up there.
Afterwards, I decided to take the kids for a walk. Usually getting around the block takes about 30 - 40 minutes because we stop and discuss everything in our path. I push Tommy and she pushes her baby of choice in her stroller. Yesterday was especially exciting because of all the Halloween decorations up around the neighborhood. I try to talk about how "cute" and "nice" everything is about Halloween because, let's face it, Halloween decor can be scary as hell. So far, I have her completely desensitized to scarecrows (which I still find creepy myself), ghosts and witches. Conversations go like this:
Me: "Oh Luce..look at that ghost! Isn't he cute?"
Luce: "I don't like him, mom"
Me: "Ohh...I LIKE him! He is so cute and funny with his smiling face!"
Luce: "I like him too, mom."
And on a side note, what's with aloof neighbors who do NOTHING to their lawns all year, not even one potted plant on a porch in the summer. And all of a sudden Halloween hits and there is a HANGING CREEPY MAN on a wire in their front yard and about 50 fake tombstones? Don't get it...
So we stopped to count pumpkins, visit scarecrows (she had an entire 10 minute convo with a scarecrow about how his hay was sticking up pretty high in the air and how he had a nice belt on), and discuss what fake spider webs are.
About halfway around the block she said to me, "Hey Sarah! Sarah! Look at this!" and I said, "Lucy, that is my REAL name but who am I to YOU?" and she replied, "You're my daughter."
I don't know where she gets this stuff...


*Cabbage Patch Kid (belonging to E.E!) from 1984 that was originally a boy named "Mikey," but turned into a girl for reasons unknown.

Warning: I am Driving on Negative Lane Today

It's week two since our lives suddenly turned upside down. I am finding I just walk around with constant nervousness and a stomach ache. I get some respite when I am doing something distracting with the kids, running or sleeping - but it's pretty much on my mind 24/7. How and when will we be back to "normal" again? I am trying to get over the anger. I am not real good at getting rid of it when I feel I have been unfairly "wronged".
I was supposed to go to Chicago this weekend (baby free) and see my college girlfriend who is due to have a baby in a month. I have cancelled that trip because of all of this. Matt was supposed to go on a trip he has cancelled. I do all that positive self-talk...I say all those things to myself all day long. I am trying to keep a smile on my face and laugh about it with friends, because no one really wants to hear, "Actually, I am scared and stressed and have no idea when things will be better."
I suppose one day, if the kids are struggling with something, they'll like to see what we went through as well. And hopefully, they'll see how faith and hard work got us back to where we are headed. This too shall pass...everyone is healthy...in a year we will have forgotten all about it...we will be better off on the other side...everything happens for a reason...I won't have to get my family dollar store presents for Christmas. :)

Monday's So Bright..I Gotta Wear...Hat and Gloves?

I never hurt myself and rarely get sick. I have never broken a body part and the only stitch I've ever had (and that's singular) was down "you know where" after having Tommy. I never worry about getting hurt. I run without stretching appropriately. Lucy hacks up a lung in my face and I don't even care. So WHY LORD OF ALL...during this SMALL period of time in which we don't have 100% covered health care...do I decide to JAM MY LEFT HAND INTO THE JOGGING STROLLER WHILE IT'S OPENING UP?? Everything hurts...it is black and blue. I don't think it's a break but definately a sprain of some sort. All tasks are painful..from tightening the bottle top to putting kids in car seats. One temper tantrum at my friend's, a run in the snow (you heard me..thanks a lot) and a sprained hand later..it's a HOOT HOLLARIN' MONDAY PEOPLE! Let the good times roll...
On a random side note, I can't stop singing the phrase, "Taking it back to the old school cause I'm an old fool, who's so cool." Exquisite lyrics.

Word of Advice...

When you go to your kid's first school event and you are meeting new families and teachers and walking around with your kid while she gets her face painted and an animal balloon and you try to look cute and wear real shoes to the event (it's been so long, Lucy said to me, "No exercising shoes, mom?") and you are walking around for 2 hours and sometimes your crotch is at eye level because people are sitting and you are standing, and just as you are about to leave, your friend's mother turns to you and says, "Your fly's down."......don't have that happen, okay?

The Choices We Make...

Lucy has become really good at playing "pretend" lately. It's nice for me, because she can actually entertain herself in self-play for quite a while, instead of constantly needing me to assist and/or entertain. Yesterday morning, she came into the family room and told me she was "painting the walls." Umm..yeah..I decided to see what she meant by that. She was using a barbecue basting brush (yep, she considers that a toy and we let her), and pretending to brush the wall. Since I can see where this could go, per her artistic interpretation of painting with a night light on her bedroom walls, I told her that probably wasn't a good idea. She thinks a minute and comes back with:
"Ohh...okay Mom..how about the floor? That's a good choice!"
I guess our technique of offering "two choices" is really sinking in. Thoughtful problem-solving by a 2-year-old. I like it!

Numbers on a Wednesday morning...

Number of interviews in one day: 3 (one for me, two for him)
Number of current viable job opportunities for Matt: 6, generated in three business days. This guy is one efficient dude.
Number of loads of laundry I did today: 5
Number of kids in house with colds: 2
Number on clock during wake up call: 4 a.m., Lucy with coughing and calling to "Momma"
Number on clock during second wake up call: 4:45 a.m., Tommy with sniffles
Number on clock while typing this: 5:25 a.m. Can't sleep.
What a day...what an interesting turn in our lives...

So Throw Your Feet in the Aaaaaiiirrr....

....and wave them like you just don't care....
Tomma-Shamma-Lamma is 7 months old today! Yeah for him! The scooting, playing, laughing, fake coughing noise making, still easy-going, smiling, grabbing for everything you can reach, sleeping good but still waking up early, sweet little THING! We love you Tommy!!!

In the midst of crazy...Tommy finds something to hold on to....

So life goes on...we have survived the first few days. We are still angry at how it was all done and not sure how these people can sleep at night by removing health care with 8 hours notice to families with children. Or by denying people monies owed to them. We may be trying to do something with all that, but that's another story and I won't bore you with those things here. We are job hunting crazies with little sleep and spinning heads. Once the kids are asleep, we both feel guilty if we sit on the couch for 30 minutes and watch a show and one of us usually runs back to the computer. But at the same time, we have to zone out a little bit or we'll go nuts. The little kiddos still need us to push forward and keep smiling. They are a great distraction from all the crap they are clueless to. Ironically, they are keeping me sane and strong at the moment. We had a wild weekend of b-day parties, visiting with family, etc. I am so tired I could fall off this chair right now. BUT - while all this was going on, a milestone occured. Tommy...found...his...penis! The past two days, when it's diaper changing time...he will make a grab for it and start giggling. Ahhh...7 months old and it's starting already. And is it odd that I strangely felt proud of him?

Outlook: Not So Good...

We have had a major snafoo at our house. Matt was laid off yesterday. No severance or medical as of last night. No bonus' due to him because the company is about to file for Chapter 11. Needless to say, things have been better. I am not quite at the point of writing something witty and intraspective sooo...I will just continue to chant my mantra: "Everyone is healthy. This too shall pass..."

Maybe Far Away..or Maybe Real Near By...

Certain things - smells, food, songs, toys, take me back to moments in my childhood. Matt is always astounded at how much of my childhood I can remember. I can remember it so vividly...actual days, things I "played" in the basement, friends, early school memories, etc. After chatting with friends over time, I have realized that I remember more than the average person. I think this is a sign of a very happy childhood, which I had.
It is also odd to vividly remember moments of my childhood, as I now have children living their childhood. I remember going to nursery school..and now Lucy is going. I remember going to the doctor at age 2 - not details, exactly. Just white walls, sun shining in the windows in a big building downtown, the smells, holding my mom's hand. Ugh...hope she doesn't remember her flu shot coming at her next week....oh sweet Lord help us all, as it shall be a doozy of an experience...
A few others I wanted to mention for posterity:
*Running to my mom in her turqoise bathrobe, while she sat in the corner of her hospital room after having my sister
*Standing in my crib yelling to my mom (not sure age..maybe 2?) and then dreaming of floating over my crib, out into the hall and over the stairs. Not sure what that is all about. Maybe an early dream as a toddler?
*Cracking peanut shells with friends at the glowing living room fireplace and feeling cool to be part of adult conversation.
*Basically every detail of holidays, but especially peeking down the stairs to try and see candy eggs "hiding" and also, Christmas mornings in our basement to look at stockings.
*Carly Simon, John Denver, and Simon and Garfunkle.
*The Annie movie album and sitting in my basement window sill singing, "Maybe far away...or maybe real near by..." Also, wishing I was an orphan.
*Laying in bed with the sheet up to my chin, praying to God to make me "be Snow White" for 10 seconds. I remember negotiating in my brain "I just want to be wearing her dress for 10 seconds. I won't tell anyone if you make it happen!"
*Jumping off the front porch with my umbrella, again, wishing to fly for just 10 seconds, just like Mary Poppins. (Is there a Disney theme here...not sure)
*Watching Mork and Mindy in our old "den" with my Dad. This was especially fun because I got to stay up 30 minutes past my bedtime.
*Friday night babysitter nights (and although I loathed every babysitter - they were not the best) - I LOVED the turkey t.v. dinner and jiffy pop we would get to have. Also, I believe there was some Hee Haw and Magnum P.I. watching that ensued.

I am beginning to realize this list could really go on and on...but, alas, I will not torture you with a humongous post. But these made me laugh.

She likes me! She really likes me!

Since Lucy and I spend all our time together, she doesn't have a lot of moments to "miss me." I am the constant in her life...the one who is always there. I am also the one she tests, works over, cries to, whines to, etc. I know the girl loves me more than anything, but I guess I never get the "star role," like Daddy, who comes and goes and it is a major event every day when he comes home. So I admit I was a little surprised when she actually showed a little bit of a hard time when I was coming and going with my girlfriends this past weekend.
On Sunday morning, we took her to the park and she had my undivided attention. For one of the first times, I could just tell she was SOOOO happy to be with me. Everything was "Come on Momma!" "Hey Mom!" and she was constantly smiling at me and looking back at me with everything she did. It was so cute and it made me realize...I am this kid's world right now. I guess I already knew that, but just over the past couple of days, it has been made more and more apparent. We have been power struggling with things so much during the week (naps, eating, etc.) and she has been working on gaining her independence so much, I kind of forgot she is still a baby who still really needs me 100%. Today, I felt bad because she slept in and we were flailing off to school with no playtime and breakfast in the car. She had no problems, as usual, but when our car pulled into the parking lot at pick-up, she was at the playground fence yelling "Hey Mom! Hey!" and waving. Then I see her trying to yell to the teachers (who were talking to other parents), "My mom's here! My mom!" The teachers weren't paying attention to her so she just stood there at the fence watching. O.k. slash my wrists right now over the sadness of no one listening and the butt cuteness of her little body just standing there waiting for brother and I. I am so sure.
And then once again, when I reached her, she did the full on running and dramatic embrace and smiling at me with the biggest grin on earth about 1 inch from my face. Then we came home and played outside and she just seemed so happy to be playing with me, once again. When life is crazy and I am stressed or feel like I am not doing it all the best I could, I guess I am doing something right. Oh my Lucy, I am so lucky to have you as my little girl. I love that you still need me and worship me. I'll take all the worshipping I can get for as long as she'll give it.

Perfect Fall Weekend...

Just coming off a LUXURIOUS weekend with my girlfriends! We try and get together every year or two. We used to all work together in Denver and have managed to stay in touch, despite us all living in different parts of the country now. I am proud of the fact that despite weddings, children, life, etc. - we have kept this friendship a priority in our lives. They are the type of girls that, even if we haven't talked in 3 months, one of us just has to call and it's like we talked the day before. It was a weekend full of laughs, work jokes, ridiculous stories, and overall relaxation. It was much needed and much loved! I think Lucy summed it up best when the four of us were sitting at the coffee shop on Friday morning and she spontaneously yelled out, "I am having FUN!"
In other news, I have to mention that Tommy is creeping around the room on his belly! He is cruising like a crazy man, clear across the room! Go Tommy, go! Ahh...mobility...how I love and hate you at the same time...."

Dear Pope Benedict, I request Sainthood ordered please...

Let's just take a look at events in Tommy's past week.
1. Left in infant seat, in library parking lot, while mother physically jams older sister into car seat while tantrum ensues. Proceeds to blink in wonder and joy at rain belting him in the face.
2. Laughs when dog slobbers him to get the carrots off the corner of his face.
3. Laughs when sister pretends to "dance" with him, while extending his arms in an inappropriate (and painful looking) way and yelling, "WE'RE DANCING TOMMA!"
4. In 2 1/2 hours: Pulled out of car seat into older sister's school for drop off, put into jogging stroller, hangs in stroller for 50 minutes, back into car seat, strolled through grocery store for 30 minutes, home to put groceries away, and back to older sister's school for pick up. No expression other than big eyes and a little smile when you talk to him.
5. Sleeps peacefully in mother's arms for an entire Oprah, a much needed respite. As Oprah would say, "Hallaloo-year!" What the frick does that mean, Oprah?

Dear Hair...

I have wanted to have a talk with you a while but I am so upset by what is going on between us that I feel my feelings are best represented in a letter. Hair, you used to be my great asset.

If I didn't like my outfit, I would think, "Well, at least I have good hair." It was cute, fun, easy, and a real joy to have on my head. Of course, it was always a tinge thick - but I was always able to work it out. Short or long, I had a nice head of hair.
Fast forward one year later...and I have Tommy. Suddenly the hormones have mysteriously and inexplicably made you incredibly thick and curly. Very, very creepishly curly. Now, I am shunned by it when I go to the bathroom and catch a glimpse. I am at a loss for style and products. Hair, you have let me down. I don't know what to do. Will you work with me, for the love of god, and drop about 5 pounds of your curly fro? I just want my old hair back. O.k. so this is a lovely family shot and all...but check out the pubes on my mom haircut. Hair...please have mercy. Cause god knows I know longer have cute outfits to make up for the lame hair.

Love, your owner, Sarah

And Normalcy Commences....

I didn't want to mention last week that Matt went on his annual fishing trip. You know, with the whopping 5 people who read this blog and all, I didn't want the creeps to come out at night, and I am paranoid. Anyways, he was gone for 5 nights and 6 days. Not that I was counting or anything. We made it through the week just fine. It was a fun week with visits to friends and sister visiting. My neighbors had us over for dinner one night. Everyone was just lovely and supportive!
O.k. so it wasn't so perfect. Lucy tested me about 25 times because I am the constant in her life...I get all the yuck behavior..the testing...the "Daddy does it this way at night, Mommy!" Ugh...lots of deep breathing techniques on my part. Like on day 5 of single parenthood when she wouldn't go upstairs for nap ONCE AGAIN and she woke her brother up who I finally got to sleep ONCE AGAIN.
But we did a lot of bonding as well. I have to admit I looked at my watch ONLY 5 times in the hour before Matt was to arrive home. And when I realized he could change Tommy's diaper for me while I run the bath water without children crying or having a meltdown, or making Elmo babysit them while I run upstairs for the fifteenth time...I was oh. so. joyful!!! For some reason, when Matt goes on a trip, I feel this overwhelming responsibility on my shoulders and in my gut. I don't know why. He works every day and I am with these kids and I don't feel weirded out or anxious at all. But when I know he is a 7 hour drive away, suddenly I kind of freak out in my head because I am the ONLY ONE to care for these children 24 hours/day for whatever number of days. I don't sleep real good, for fear I won't hear Tommy at night. I let my mind run with the 100's of things I need to do the next day. I don't know what it is but I guess I just can't completely relax. It's exhausting, really. I am VERY happy he is back.
Lucy is happy too. When Matt walked in last night, she ran to him with the biggest smile on earth and wrapped her body around him like a koala bear, squeezing with all her might. And as he was outside putting his boat in the garage, etc. Lucy was giving me a play by play of what was going on, running from the front window to the back room yelling, "Daddy's here! Daddy's home! He's coming in! Daddy!" It was too much. When Tommy saw him, he broke out into a huge grin and started laughing within 3 seconds of Matt getting in his face. He was so happy too.
In addition to all this activity, my parents have been in Italy on a two week vacation. They arrive home tonight. It has been two weeks of yelling at all airplanes, "Bye Bye Meema and Boppa!" (This is what my mom told her to do while she was gone and Lucy took her instructions VERY seriously). Funny thing about a 28 month old - my mom is #3 in her life and yet, unless mentioned, Lucy really didn't ask too much about her while she was away. I guess that reinforces the idea that toddlers have no concept of time. But MAN will she be ready to see them!!!
Ahh...everyone is home and all is right with the world. And now I can go back to my binge drinking and stop being so damn responsible! Bloody Mary at 7:07 a.m. anyone? Wahhooiieee!!!