Friends, Love and a New Day...

Well, we are surely on a roll with Kindergarten. We are ending week three on a high note. This includes Lucy's first "new friend from Kindergarten" playdate. Chloe is her name and she lives one street over. They have the exact same hair color and hairdo and they like to call each other "twins." Funny to see them bomb out of the school (first in line) and run to me while hugging, holding hands and grinning from ear to ear. So excited!!

PB & J's have been eaten, showing off her fish, her room, her basement, her dress up clothes, etc. All is well and fun and very, very "5 year old girl-ish." Giggling and laughing and hugging. So dang cute! Happy she has made a new friend she is so excited about.

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There has been a lot of sibling love around here lately and for that, I am always grateful. It is seriously my most FAVORITE moment as a parent (and Matt too), when the kids are hugging, snuggling or just generally looking out for each other. Tommy runs to Lucy when he sees a commercial for a "SNOW WHITE DVD, SISSY!!" or Lucy runs over and kisses his large head when Tommy bonks into something (ha!). They have been snuggling in our bed together before bedtime and kissing each other goodbye when we separate for whatever reason (without my prompting to do so). Just a lot of cuteness that makes my heart beam.

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It's a lovely fall Friday - we've got a night out tonight and a fun weekend ahead. My marathon training is coming to an end and a huge, five month goal is wrapping up on October 11th. I feel so empowered!

Truth be told, I am feeling more enthusiastic and at peace than I've felt in about a month. My "old girl" seems to be coming back and I feel so relieved. I hadn't seen the "real her" in a while and it sure was a yucky, scary feeling. I could actually see it in her eyes that things were different...something was off. Thank god for girlfriends...old friends who I could call and vent to, and new friends who pulled through when I least expected it. Thank god for 6 a.m. runs in the dark because it was sometimes the only moment in the day when I had a clear mind and I could be alone. Thank god for old preschool teachers who gave me a hug because they knew I needed it, and parents who listened to me cry on the phone at 10 p.m. when nothing seemed to be working.

Challenges will remain, but it is nice to feel like sometimes things CAN all go right and good and fun. That all this hard work IS paying off and that phases will continue to come and go, but you are still a good parent, no matter what's going on. No matter what.

In the End, it's All Going to Be O.k....

...and if it's not o.k., it's not the end.

That's a goody quotie that my sister gave to me a long time ago.

Last week was challenging, to say the least. Most likely my most challenging week of parenting to date. And that's saying a lot...since in March 2006, I had a non-sleeping newborn, and a 21 month old girl who was screaming and jumping in her crib and wanting to potty train, all at the same time. Ahem.

I can't bear to go through all that went down last week, but we're gonna go ahead and say there were MANY moments where I was asking God for strength, crying to random people I barely knew, and calling my child psychologist father at least 3 times a day for pep talks and brainstorms. And breathe.

Yesterday was a new day. We have a plan, we are in sync and things are starting to work. Things are far from perfect. But today WAS kind of perfect. I will take today. All I needed was one really, really good day to know that things will get better. Everything WILL be o.k. And can I get a "Yeah!" for today.




Tommy started his Preschool 3's program this morning. It's a new long day for him (he eats lunch there, packed in his Spiderman lunch box! Exciting!). He was wonderful and cute and a little shy. I had to remind him to give me a kiss and with a quick "ten miles!" (our secret saying for I love you) - he was on his way. He fell asleep in the stroller this afternoon. Pool little guy was too tired from the big first day.

He is the greatest little boy I have ever known. And apparently, he is a fan of mine as he mentioned in the park this afternoon, "Mom? I love you more than any moms in the big blue sea." And perfect.

Dropped Off....

This morning, we walked Lucy up to her first day of Kindergarten. Over the past few days, she had shared some anxiety about how long she was going to be gone from me and some sadness in losing her lazy mornings with Tommy and I. But this morning, she was eager and excited to get her new school clothes on, her backpack, and head out on the walk to school.

Upon arrival, there was some nervous silliness with some friends. Once entering the school, she was ready to get everything all set up on her hook, etc. I gave her two kisses, walked her in and walked out.

And breathe. And run away before she looks back.

At our elementary, they decided to have an "assembly" to introduce the teachers, sing the school song, etc. ALL of the children and ALL of the parents attended. NOT a great idea for Kindergartners, in my opinion. Sure enough, Lucy walked in weepy and stressed with the teacher's assistant. At one point, she was wailing and calling for me so Matt and I had to hide outside the gymnasium. After dropping her off at places for the past five years, I have learned that a quick goodbye and not seeing us again is the best for us all.

I hated her being so sad and worried. As I sit here and type this, I feel sick to my stomach. However, a very thoughtful friend of mine with a child in the same class called me right away, letting me know she peeked in on the post-assembly class. She reported that Lucy was fine, engaged, no longer sad. UGH....I wish it had started out this way.

I SO hope she has a great next 2.5 hours with lots of fun. I SO hope at pick-up time, that she is smiling and singing a different song. And I REALLY hope she wants to go back tomorrow. Oh please, God, let her be excited to go back.

Too bad I am a wilting flower and will definitely NOT put in my two cents when that parent survey comes around regarding how the first day of school rolls out. Uh huh.....

***Post Pick-Up Update: Smiles and happiness. No sad words and definitely seems to want to go back tomorrow! Yipee!

Killing Me Softly...

I try to keep this blog light and breezy and all good news, etc. BUT. I can't take it anymore. Lucy is killing me. Killing us ALL right now. I believe she will find it humorous to look back on her ridiculous behavior someday and for that reason, I shall share not only the good, but the bad and the ugly as well.

Things that have happened in the last 2 weeks that are utterly absurd and left me stressed, sick to my stomach or basically wanting to kill her include:

1. Throwing a fit when I try to leave her with a babysitter to go to work for my whopping 4 hours/week. This includes scream-fests down the street while the 14 year old temp sitter stands there looking confused. (p.s. new regular sitter starts next week. Thank the lord, Jesus). Rumor has it another little girl did this about 25-30 years ago, as well, but I can neither confirm nor deny this.

2. Throwing a fit when I say really mean things like, "Hey. Time to go inside and eat."

3. Throwing a fit at my mother in law's home during her first overnight experience. Telling her really neat things after a fun day like, "I don't like this house. I didn't want to come but my mom made me." Ab. Surd.

4. Whacking her brother for no reason or for ANY reason, causing him to cry and through his PLG tears, say things like, "Sissy is trying to break my stomach."

5. Throwing a fit at bedtime for "one more kiss," "one more song," or "one more story." Seriously, didn't we cover all this when she was two??!!

The list goes on...and Kindergarten starts Tuesday morning. We have high hopes that school starting will "reset" her little whacky internal clock or neediness routine she has going right now.

One minute she loves me, the next minute she doesn't want me around. The dependence vs. independence fight within her little five year old body is just going nuts right now. Let's hope the fight ends soon, before I get sent to the looney bin.