Your Mom...

Somethin' for the Kiddies....

Monday, November 20, 2006


Why do I believe I have plucked my eyebrows suffiently every morning, and then look in the car rear-view mirror, only to find that I am Burt from Sesame Street?

Why do I now own a mini-van? Because we have caved and it just makes good sense, darn it. I make quiches and I drive a mini-van. Welcome to my life.

Why does my boy lie in his crib wide awake, and then drifts off to sleep like a dream boat? Because I am one lucky bitch.

Why do I buy kitchen/bath cleaner with bleach in it? Because I am a clean freak, who failed to think about the fact that one drop on anything would BLEACH it a couch, my new shirt from Target, etc. Lame-o.

Why are my boobs soooo sad now after two pregnancies? I mean, they could totally be the "before" picture in a plastic surgeon's office. Lucy pointed to them all confused and said, "What is that, mom?" It was all I could do to stop myself from saying, "Mommy now has "cucumbers in a plastic produce bag," Luce! You and your brother will apparently have higher IQs, and no ear infections..but your mother looks like a deflated balloon!! The sacrifices I have made, my child!!!"

And finally, WHY are my two kids bathing together so hilarious and adorable? Note how I made sure this was not kiddie porn, based on the angle. Because I know there are creeplors out there and I was protecting my peeps.


At 3:39 PM, Blogger meg said...

hahaha! Funny one! Funny one!

At 4:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha ha ha! Love it! Cucumbers! I'm with you! More than I'd like to admit! And I only have one kid. Arg. Hey, I arrange cookie exchanges and keep extra pacifiers in my purse. I can relate!

At 6:49 PM, Blogger Kellie said...

Not the only one with the plucking dilemma. What looks oh so right in the mirror looks oh so "OH MY GOD!!" in the car. As for the "girls" not being where they once were: I only have one child and I KNOW they are not only a tad lower than before but, are also not as big (and they weren't all that big to begin with!!). Clean freak? I can relate. Kiddies in the tub--funny :) I have drawn the line at the minivan....for now. Check back in a year or ten....

At 11:29 PM, Blogger loveball said...

What happened to rocks in socks?! Or cherries in a napkin?! Those were some of my fave Sarah I will add cucumbers in a produce bag. And ladies, I don't even have a kid yet and I can see the slow demise of my once perky boobs. oh, and I actually keep a pair of tweezers in my car so I can pluck those suckers in the right light. Ridiculous!


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I'm a 39 year old stay-at-home mom. I have a 9 year old daughter and a 7 year old son. I have lived in the big city and in the mountains, but am happy to be back in the Midwest, raising the fam. I enjoy laughing, wine, bad karaoke, US Weekly, running, cemetaries, cheese sticks and short hair-dos. In my previous life, I was class-clown and a wanna-be comedian. In my professional life, I'm a journalism major with 10 years of marketing and PR experience. I dream of being a cast member on Saturday Night Live and working at Disney World as Snow White.

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