Proof I DO NOT Want Three Kids...

I have a 5 year old golden retriver named Scout. We got her when we lived in Colorado, right after we got married. We went through a breeder and paid big buckos for her. We drove to the Nebraska border to pick her up and see her parents and siblings. I held her in my arms the entire 3 hour drive home as she squealed for her mom's teet. That's right - I said TEET. I took Scout to Puppy Preschool at PetSmart. We took her to a "dog whisperer" in Boulder. I hiked with her every night after work and took her on 100's of trails and trips out West. What I am saying is I LOVED this dog. I loved her after we moved and worried about her when I was pregnant with Lucy. I hoped she would be good around the baby and not mind becoming #4 in the house. Then Lucy arrived and Scout's world was rocked. Not too rocked, though, or so I'd like to think. She still got daily walks and laid next to my bed. Actually, my only sign of "Baby Blues" after Lucy was born, was when we kicked Scout out of our bedroom and she looked back at us all sad and I started crying. O.k. crying over a sad dog...baby blues. No other explanation..ha ha. What I am getting at is - I LOVED this dog.
Then something happened. Lucy started eating real food in a high chair. And spilling/dropping things. This nice, sweet golden retreiver became BEGGER dog. NOSE IN YOUR CROTCH BEGGING dog. JUMP AT THE SOUND OF THE REFRIDGERATOR OPENING BEGGER dog. WAKE LUCY UP WHILE RUNNING AT ME FOR FOOD. WANT TO KILL HER and KICK HER dog. I slowly started to lose the love....
Fast forward 21 months later and Tommy arrives. And Scout's had 10 months of food dropping/spilling. Well, let's just say it has gotten worse. O.k. - I know..it's our fault. We didn't teach her to stay out of the room while we eat, etc. I AGREE we should have trained her better during meal time. But there are mooore annoying things she does. I have about 2% of my day that I can actually spend doing something I enjoy (lay on the couch!!). During this 2% of my life, Scout has likened to:
1. Wanting to go in and out the back yard 4-5 times. This from a dog that can go easy 10 hours without peeing.
2. Staring at me creepily doing "fake out" growls THREATENING to bark and wake up Tommy until I get up and feed her.
3. Randomly decide it's time to do a full-on back rub dance-fest on herself and nose snorkle-fest, causing Tommy to wake up.
4. Play with Lucy's stuffed Elmo, teddy bear, etc. You name it..if it is cotton and stuffed, she will try and eat it.
5. Eat 4-5 wet wipes a day. Let's just say we see it come out the back way almost every day. Somehow she gets to them before me and gobbles them like they are salisbury steaks.
I am over it. She is not enhancing my life at all. She is causing stress during my 2% of ME time during the day. Not sure what to do except keep listening to Matt who says, "It's the stage of our life. You won't hate her in a couple years."

EDIT BASED ON THIS AFTERNOON'S ANTICS:
ANNOYING SCOUT ACTIVITY #6: LICK THE REMNANTS OF RICE CEREAL OFF OF TOMMY'S FACE! GOD I HATE THIS DOG RIGHT NOW!!!