What have I become?

Things I think about while Lucy watches her morning t.v.:
*Ooh..this is the Sesame Street where REM sings "Happy Furry Monsters! Yeesss...."
*Why does Anthony Wiggle look hot to me all of a sudden?
*Jeff Wiggle is a millionaire who rides on the coat tails of the other, more talented Wiggles. We all know it's true...
*Why doesn't anyone call out Bert and Ernie for what they really are? Not that there's anything wrong with that...
*Are "The Doodebops" smoking crack?
*Please eat the rest of that waffle so I can read my last email...