Your Mom...

What it Looks Like Today...

2012-01-14T19:46:00.005-05:00

Today, I am grateful for Tommy's cuteness, a fun husband, Lucy's sparkling personality, and listening to Mumford and Sons with a glass of wine on a Saturday night with nowhere to go.

Our days have been filled with learning, basketball, soccer, Brownie cookie sales prep, Laughfest Comedy shows, being #2 sales rep in the company, Weight Watchers and exercise plans, and counting down to Disney World (in 10 days! 10 days!!!).

I was realizing the other day that I am so sad that I only have pictures of my childhood bedroom and parts of our house I grew up in as snippets in pictures or memories in my brain. I decided to take some photos around the house right now...January 2012 - when you were 5 1/2 and 7 1/2 years old...

The Daily Hug

2011-11-28T19:40:00.002-05:00

I just wanted to make sure I let you both know this story, in case you forget when you are grown-ups.

This is a really magical year, with Tommy as a Kindergartener and Lucy as a 2nd grader, they get to share the same playground for morning Recess each day of school.

It began on the first day, when I asked Lucy to make sure and find Tommy, say "hi!" and always watch out for your little brother on the playground.

Without any of my doing, you have continued to not only find each other each morning to say "hi!" but you also stop to hug each other every time. I ask every day and you never miss a day.

I always imagine a playground full of 100+ kids running around in mass chaos and you two Cavanaugh kids stopping and finding each other, and then giving each other that special hug each morning, just because you love each other and you are brother and sister.

You are so lucky to have each other!

What's Happening Now...

2011-11-11T15:06:00.005-05:00

Geez, I have sure neglected this blog for the past six weeks. We've been chumming along, enjoying fall, the end of soccer, the start of girl's basketball, a wonderful Halloween, ending jobs, looking for new jobs, earning and taking care of a hamster, school activities, and just rolling along at a pleasant pace.

Over the past couple of days, I have felt a blog entry brewing in me. I wanted to write something really great about how fast time flies and how much fun I am having with you guys as a 5 1/2 year old and almost 7 1/2 year old. But instead, I think I'll just throw out some moments I remember over the past six weeks, in no particular order.

*As I was walking out of Lucy's room last week at bedtime, I heard her say to me, "Mom, I REALLY love you." I could tell she really, really meant it.

*Looking at Lucy's long legs over Daddy's when she first came downstairs in the morning. Remembering, like it was yesterday, when Matt used to hold Lucy in his arms and rock her little head to sleep in a similar position.

*Secretly wondering how much longer she'll tell me a secret, sit in our laps, ask for a kiss in front of friends, believe in Santa and ask me to pick out her outfits.

*Matt and I laying on either side of Tommy in our bed on a movie night. Tommy proclaiming, "I am lucky."
"Why, Tommy?" I asked.
"Because I have you guys on each side of me."

*Tommy suggesting and writing a letter to the star of the East Grand Rapids football team. Delivering it to the high school secretary. 4th, 5th and 6th grade boys actually wanting Tommy on their football team and not thinking they are "just playing with the little guy" because he actually keeps up.

*Loving that Tommy feels COMPELLED to yell hello to any classmate he sees on the streets, even if he has to yell it across a street and over cars. He really seems to care of about everyone...even the girls. ;)

*My girl and I doing fun things together like playing basketball, doing our nails, curling our hair, and laughing our guts out. I'm also very aware that I'm the one person that makes her feel the safest, least anxious, most comfortable, and most "taken care of" in the world. I like that responsibility.

*The kids and I spending a day together seeing "what adventure we will find" when they had a day off of school. Leaving the house at 9 a.m and coming home at 3 p.m. and all the fun and giggles we have along the way. It's like I get my little kids back from the teachers for a day and it's the best gift in the world.

*Cleaning out the basement and finding myself sad. Sad that it seems like "toys" are fading out of interest. Superheros, cars and Legos have made way for Ipads and football games. The Jasmine outfit is finally too small and writing songs is how she spends her time now. I found one lone Princess sandal in a box, from the summer Lucy was four years old. I remember everything about you at four years old and the summer you wore those sandals. So that went into a "save" box, along with an old Snow White bib I also couldn't bear to throw away.

Safe.

2011-09-27T10:09:00.004-04:00

Tommy is definitely going through a phase of "worshipping" his Dad. Understandably, Dad can throw a football better than me. But, tonight, while brushing his teeth, Tommy said this:

"Mom? I like when you walk me to school. Just you, not Dad. We hold hands, and you give me a kiss and hug at the door."

"I love it too, Tomma. It's one of my favorite things to do."

"Will you always do that?"

"As long as you'll let me, Tommy, I will always take you to school."

"Thanks. It makes me feel safe."

What a guy.
I guess we all have our roles to play...

The Challenge...

2011-09-26T09:39:00.002-04:00

I have been more than challenged in the job of being Lucy's mom, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I found this the other day and it really spoke to me...

Three Keys to Bringing Out the Best in Your Strong-Willed Child
(Discover Your Child’s Heart by Dr. Tim Kimmel)

1. View Them Positively-as hard as it may be to acknowledge, being strong-willed is a gift. A beautiful trait that needs to be refined, but appreciated. They should never feel like having a strong personality is a negative thing.

2. Draw Clear Boundaries-“Clear moral standards draw boundaries within which a strong-willed child can flourish.” They need consequences, regimentation, traditions, routine, rituals and rest.

3. Give Them Some Say-most battles can be avoided, if you maintain authority, but also give your child some say…from eating to napping to keeping their room clean, you can work together to accomplish the goal.

"Once They're Both in School..."

2011-09-19T13:17:00.008-04:00

When this picture was taken, I was thinking...
Thank the lord I get a break.
I hope Tommy learns to potty train soon.
These 2.5 hours of freedom will be the best of my life.
They sure are cute little people.
I can't believe we have to pay $365/month in preschool tuition.
I am sweating.
Can I do five loads of laundry in 2.5 hours?

When this picture was taken, I was thinking...
I can't believe they are both in school.
I can't believe what big kids they are.
It seems like they were just born, but then again, not really.
I hope this all goes o.k.
I hope they don't forget everything we have taught them.
It's hard to let go.
How will I stay busy and not go crazy.
This is my favorite job and I just went part-time.
I can't believe I will never have a preschooler again.
I will miss them so much.

Two weeks later, and I am still missing them SO much.

Together...

2011-09-13T11:22:00.011-04:00

Summer 2011 wrapped up with a big, fun, new adventure to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan and a visit to Mackinac Island.

We all felt that hovering feeling of summer almost being over. We all knew our long summer days together were coming to an end.

So we packed it up, got outta town, and embraced the "Last Hurrah!"

And then we came back, and got ready for school. We laid out our clothes, and talked about our worries and our excitement. We talked about all the new adventures the year would bring. We talked about how big everyone was and how we couldn't believe we had a Kindergarten boy and 2nd grade girl.

We talked about the new challenges we were faced with, even the scary ones. We held on tight.

And we all headed out, still together, even though we weren't next to each other with long, summer days in front of us.

Still together.

Precious Days..

2011-08-21T23:35:00.005-04:00

I heard her say today, in the car, "I'm really excited for school to start!"
I was mostly happy but a little sad to hear her say that. Happy that she is looking forward to a new year (with seemingly no anxiousness), but sad that "the summer they were 5 and 7 years old" is over in two weeks. So what do I do?

Jam the work into any quick moment I can grab.
Stay up late to get caught up on house stuff.
Run before they wake up.

And enjoy every minute of this month!

Picking fruit.
Going to the park.
Wearing jammies until 10 a.m.
Meeting friends at the pool.
Getting their very own library cards.
Staying up way too late.
Going to baseball games.
Going to the beach.
Meeting friends for slushies.
Nothing on the agenda but making friendship bracelets.

At the beach on Thursday, after picking fruit with Meema and Boppa, she laid out her towel in the sand and said to herself, "This is the best summer day."

At the pool on Friday, he asked me to snuggle with him in a towel and he whispered to me, "You are the greatest mom of the entire world."

I hope they remember all this. I hope I do, too.
Because these are precious days, my little kiddos.
And that's why I do it.

Mom loves you more than anything on earth. Never forget!

Shining...

2011-08-14T09:55:00.006-04:00

This past Tuesday, five year old Tommy played his Flag Football game with Coach Daddy. Tommy...You. Were. Hilarious.

Highlights included:

Watching you grab multiple flag on defense and pumping your hand in the air when you would grab one.

Watching you congratulate every player for their touchdowns.

Being very serious, but excited. Looking over at the crowd with a serious face while we screamed and cheered like crazy.

Paying attention to Coach Daddy for the entire hour and being a great listener.

Being the leader that ran ahead each time and helped the other kids know where to run.

Not minding when Coach Daddy asked you to run last so the other kids would get a chance to run before the game ended.

Being completely oblivious to the fact that everyone was amazed by you.

Suggesting the next morning that you write a "Get Better Soon" card to your best buddy, Sam, who burned his hand the night before and had to miss the game.

Camping with Friends...

2011-08-08T16:23:00.003-04:00

Six families ventured off to Pentwater, Michigan this past weekend. Twenty-nine people surrounding each other in the woods for four days? Ambitious. An unknown adventure? Absolutely!

It could not have gone any better. The weather prevailed, the children were wonderful. There seemed to be a nice balance of fun for both the adults and children.

Lucy was kind and motherly to the little ones, and reignited friendships with little girlfriends at other schools that she doesn't see much of anymore. Tommy found new baseball, football and "woods-hunting" buddies.

We rode the MAC Dune rides, swam in Lake Michigan, had dance parties and a bonfire each night. We made friendship bracelets, laughed until our stomach hurt, and ate and drank way too much.

Some fabulous memories were made with some old friends, and some newer friends that I am so happy we have befriended in the past couple of years. I think we all found ourselves having moments of gratefulness over the weekend and loving that we all made the trip happen. Best of all, we created a new summer tradition that the kids (and adults) will always remember. Sweet success!

The Things They Said This Week...

2011-07-27T14:23:00.002-04:00

As we are leaving a ticket for Boppa at the entrance to Meijer Gardens...
Tommy to the old lady: "He's got a big head, like me!" (whispers to us: she'll know who Boppa is now!)
Lucy: "Yeah - and he's really smart! He's like 70-something!"

Tommy to me: "I will love you forever. Even when I am a adult!"

Lucy, when asking how we will do bedtime when they are older (like 8 and 10 years): "I want you to still do songs. Songs are cozy."

Lucy: "Mom? I will give you $1 to put towards a Disney World trip."

Summer Days...

2011-07-18T13:11:00.007-04:00

I want each day to be a celebration of life. To wake up each day with excitement, just because you have a day ahead of you, and anything can happen! My hope is that we showed them that life is fun and full of possibility, and they can do anything they want...

Life's Too Short...Our Ten Days of Fun!

2011-07-05T10:20:00.009-04:00

For the past ten days, we went off the grid, off the schedule and headed on vacation.

We went on our annual week-long trip to SID'S resort and as always, it exceeded expectations. As my Dad always says, "Sid's isn't a place...it's an attitude!" True enough!

Some of our best memories include:

Taking the kid's fishing at the Cedarbrook Trout pond and eating our catches later that night.

Seeing the intrigue in Lucy and Tommy's eyes as we visited the old schoolhouse and lighthouse, and heard about the "old days." Lots of questions and big eyes...

Watching Tommy in heaven as he played about 30 hours of beach baseball and never seemed to get tired.

Lucy's singing/dance performance on the beach for the entire resort of people - and everyone seeming to enjoy it. "Does she take singing and dance lessons?" someone asked? "Nope. This is just a typical Tuesday for her," I responded. Ha!

Watching the kids go "to the game room" with their baggie of quarters and excitement in their eyes.

Long runs through downtown Harrisville, through the campground, along the lake, past the harbor and Widow's Watch hotel and to the old train depot.

Euchre, Dominos, good food and drinks and laughing my butt off with sister.

And then there was the actual Fourth of July!

I ran a race alone, feeling tired and hot and PLG, but wanted to support a friend and the trail. Turns out, I won my age group!

The kids and I were in the parade on the Children's Workshop float and had a blast. Lucy squirted water on friends she saw en route, Tommy threw candy, and I was shocked and amazed at all the people who turned out for the adorable celebration. I, yet again, felt so grateful to be in this wonderful community we stumbled upon eight years ago.

At the end of the night, with happy, exhausted kids and parents sprawled on towels and blankets and lawn chairs, staring into the sky above Reed's Lake, I think we were all feeling really grateful and blessed to be there at that moment.

We overheard Tommy look up at a star and whisper "I wish I am the best boy today." Lucy rubbed her eyes in Matt's lap and asked if she was dreaming.

"Life's too short," said a good friend who knows that all too well. "You have to stay up for fireworks."

I am so grateful for the past ten days.

Borrowed Because I Felt It...

2011-06-14T17:37:00.003-04:00

I stole this great poem from Steph, who borrowed it from another blog. I felt compelled to put this on my blog for posterity. Mainly, so that Lucy would read this someday. Maybe at a time when she needs to read it. This poem touched home like no other "reflection on motherhood" has for me. It speaks to the last 8 years of my life...and best reflects my feelings.

i began as the mother of babes.

and i mean that, for i was born then, too.
all of the me that had begun,
the wonderings and wanderings of my first three decades,
melted away in the faces of those new babies
and i was born anew.

i spent the next decade tending.
and tending, i did well. it was my thing, apparently.

i grew into it, and i loved every minute.
well,
you know that to be a gentle lie.
there were quite a few minutes of awful. of anguish, even.
and so much comedy, uncertainty, dishevelment.
you know.

but now...
some of my babes are almost grown.
do not kid yourself about how quickly that happens.
do not kid yourself and do not miss a second wishing those
wonderfully intense, delicious early years away.

for it happens even as you are watching them.
they grow.

and as much as you need to lose yourself to care for those newborn babes, those littles-
when they have grown to your size almost-when their feet may be as big!-
it is then that you need to find yourself again.
you need to grow.

for then, as they come upon ten; at twelve maybe...fourteen certainly;
then you must find yourself in order to know how to guide them. you must be the you
that you want to be,
so that the you they are growing up against and alongside, is the you that you want them to know.

for here's the thing:

in the end,
what you want for them most of all is to leave you.
to leave your house to become who they will be.
and when they are gone
who do you want to be left with?

my wish is that my own answer
is the me that was born out of mothering them.
and the man that's loved me all along the way.
by Tara Thayer, via SouleMama

I Would Have Never Known...

2011-06-12T16:14:00.002-04:00

Last week, one of the mother's of a girl in Lucy's class was cleaning out her backpack, found a letter from Lucy to Alaia, and had to email and share with me what it said...

I just have to share this with you, word for word:

"Dear Alaia
your a budiful girl in a budiful world
I just wanted to give a shout out
have a grat summer!

sincearaly
Lucy"

sorry, but I just have to keep that! : )

See you this summer!

Tina

Funny Thing...

2011-06-07T10:32:00.004-04:00

"Funny thing about Joy, is that you only really find it when you are too busy having fun to go looking for it."
-my favorite Curly Girl quote

Lucy, you turned seven years old yesterday and first grade is coming to a close in three short days. Change is happening...big change...and not surprisingly, you are not pleased about it.

You love your class of kids. You love school and learning and writing and reading and making up dance routines at recess and lockers and laughing and routine and seeing everyone every single day.

Most of all, you love Mrs. Battle, your first grade teacher. The truth is, I love Mrs. Battle, too. She is the sweetest, most loving, best teacher I have ever met. She is smart, fun, caring and intentional in everything she does with these kids.

I feel sad for you that this wonderful year is almost over. But happy for what this year has done for you. It has made you able to be your 100% authentic self at school, given you high self esteem among your peers, taken you up on stage, and made you an even better you.

This past year was a very fun adventure for you - and I am so very, very proud of everything you have accomplished and how much you've grown from a worried, little Kindergartner to a tall, smart, matured almost second grader.

We'll get through this transition..you've got fairy camp and softball and the pool and camping and Miss Taryn on Tuesdays! I know you are excited for all those things but for now, as I told you this morning on our drive to school, "Just enjoy today. For all it offers and for how much joy it brings you. Just enjoy today, Luce."

I love you, big seven year old!!

A Moment's Conversation

2011-05-24T15:57:00.001-04:00

Getting out of car after school...

Tommy: "I wish you weren't at school all day so I wasn't missing you so much, Luce."

Lucy (while patting him on the shoulder): "I know bubba...."

Theater Camp: Of Course!

2011-05-23T14:20:00.005-04:00

For the past few Saturday afternoons, Lucy has attended Civic Theater Camp. She has been asking if she could be in another play since 101 Dalmations wrapped up at the end of January so I thought this would be fun for her.

In theory, it was everything that Lucy has (in the past) NOT enjoyed:
1. No kids from her school were participating.
2. New location.
3. I couldn't really prep her for what she would do (wasn't sure myself).

What she did was:
1. Always act excited to go and always excited to report back when it was over.
2. Never once acted anxious about the experience.
3. Spontaneously told me she was sad it was over (after her little show on Saturday afternoon).

This experience just FELT different than swimming and soccer and other activities she has half-heartedly tried and not truly enjoyed. No anxious questions leading up to it, no tears, no "I need a buddy" comments. It was 100% her and it felt really good to me to know she just genuinely loved it.

Her kind, young and fun theater teacher gave out "reviews" to each student at the end of the show. Comments included, "Lucy has a great future in theater! So glad she is doing summer camp!" and "She has a great spirit! Kind and respectful to others."

I remembered when I felt this happy for her and proud. It was watching her perform in January! A future in theater may be exactly right!

What Have I Created??

2011-05-16T09:18:00.004-04:00

Oh boy...my little girl. I have created it, and so I shall enjoy and share this.

Lucy's "To Do" List from Yesterday (note check marks after things were accomplished):
1. Wake up
2. Get Barby set ready
3. Eat breckfest
4. Mack ducky mo (random art project of a paper duck)
5. Watch Phineus and Ferb
6. Get drest
7. Go to gem
8. Get toy run erans
9. Quiet time watch icarly
10. Do art

Watching Them...

2011-05-08T21:38:00.006-04:00

at his last little preschool spring show. Taking it so seriously. Peeking over to me when "Skinamarinky-dinky-dink" starts (it's a special song to us). So proud of his "Muver's Day Pin" he made me and the tower he made with Sam and Jacob to show us.

be so excited to get home and show Tommy she chose a Star Wars book at library class to read to him. As soon as they get home, they hop on the couch, snuggling, and Lucy reads away to him. I leave them alone (sort of) and listen to the adorableness as I start dinner.

at today's baseball game. Watching every thing on the scoreboard...looking very serious. Cheering at everything and too intrigued to take that last bite of hot dog in his hand for 20 minutes. One hand each on Dad and Boppa's legs. Loving it...

call me downstairs to tell me she has something really good to show me but one bad thing. I head to the basement to find she created a "Wizard of Oz" trail for me, complete with a yellow brick road and a fluffy pillow fest to act as the flower patch Dorothy lands in. It ends with a cute sign she stuck on the wall and crayon accidentally left a mark. "That's o.k." I say. "Thanks for showing me and being honest, but I am sure loving all this creativity before 9 a.m.!"

surprise me with their thoughtfulness, sensitivity, kindness, and admiration for each other AND Matt and I.

What We've Been Doing...

2011-05-05T14:28:00.004-04:00

Geez...3 weeks since my last post? Maybe it's because every time I visit this blog to post, I just play that adorable video of my children from 3 years ago over...and over...and over again. Sigh....

And here's some other things we have been doing:

1. Drinking wine, margaritas, raspberry vodkas and soda with limes, and general naughtiness. If this is what SPRING looks like, I could be in straight up TROUBLE by June. Damn you, nice weather equating to fun beverages in my brain!!

2. Having a blast with busy kids. They just did a seven week tennis class that they both loved. Lucy just wrapped up her First Grade Cathechism program. Tommy has moved up to his next level of swimming class...and my plan, my glorious plan of reading magazines at the pool (as opposed to standing in the kid pool in my ugly Mossimo suit, getting splashed by rons) is getting closer. Who are we kidding, I will still be in my ugly Mossimo suit, BUT, while luxuriating on a chair with my magazine.

3. Doing funny work things like evening news reports at a grocery store, "guest bartending" for charities, shooting VIP tours of the new children's farm at the zoo, and getting invited to bring 8 friends down to Leo's for a fancy dinner and to spew our opinions about mommyhood. This job is hilarious most of the time...

4. Preparing for a garage sale. Well, I should say I am playing my game called, "walk around and throw things on the basement table and act like I am totally prepared but secretly haven't organized or priced anything but keep pretending it's far, far away as opposed to one week away but I am not freaking out or ignoring it at all." It's a fun game.

5. Weight Watchers online. It's not working and I am mad. And stubborn. And having a hard time maintaining the plan on the weekends. Could be because of item #1 listed above.

6. Loving the wads of humans we created. They are hilarious people. Seriously, those two crack me up each and every day. I wonder what will become of them...what in the world will they DO with their lives? I can't wait to find out!

A Flash...

2011-04-14T13:01:00.002-04:00

The days are long but the years are short. Case in point, this feels like yesterday. Stop, time, STOP!!!

I'd Come Find You....

2011-04-05T10:09:00.010-04:00

We took advantage of kid's having spring break, paired with a free place to stay with some cousins and spent three days in Chicago! We've been "holding out" going for when they were old enough to really appreciate the Shedd Aquarium and I am really glad we did. The kids were magical, patient, adorable and grateful. I LOVED showing them a town that is so near and dear to my heart.

We hit the Aquarium, shopped on Michigan Avenue, had a date with my dear friend Amy and her daughter for shopping and lunch, enjoyed an adult fancy dinner out, AND visited with great, old friends at the Lincoln Park Zoo.

The best moment is an easy one. The four of us left the Aquarium in the rain to hop in a cab over to Michigan Avenue. We were wet and cozied up in the foggy cab, happy to be sitting down and away from the crowds.

Tommy: "Mom? What if I hadn't been born to you?"
Me: "Well, I would have been really sad! I would miss you!"
Lucy: "Well, I would leave my other mom and come find you."
Tommy: "Yeah, I'd come find you, too. No matter where you were."

Doing It.

2011-03-25T16:56:00.005-04:00

I've been on a bit of a "high" over the past five days. This past Sunday night, I performed seven minutes of stand-up comedy in front of a live audience of people. And they laughed a lot! Yipee!

It felt a bit like, well.....like "jumping off a cliff" meets "this is your life" meets "what might have happened if you hadn't moved to Colorado" meets "1991 Forensics Tournament in Frankenmuth, MI."

It was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. After it was over, I walked off the stage, totally clueless as to if I had talked for 3 minutes or 8 minutes and ran downstairs to the bar, shaking, and ordered myself a MUCH DESERVED vodka tonic. I breathed a huge sigh of relief and looked around at a bunch of strangers, who had no idea what I had just done. But I had DONE IT! Box checked. I might be a mom and wife now, I might be 36.99 years old...but I still got it.

The SUPPORT and kind words from friends and family this past week have absolutely blown me away. People have been SO nice about saying how much they enjoyed it, or how they could relate, or how proud they are of me - it's been the best gift this whole crazy idea could have given me. I have heard from people I barely know at the gym, two older ladies who watch me on Take Five every Tuesday (who knew?), and from friend's friends who I don't even know.

I learned that it's good to do something that scares you - to take the chance with the hope that it will actually be great. Someday, I hope that the kids know what I did, how I tried to live my life, and that they also feel like they can totally pull off crazy things like this.

And actually, with this event and my 37th birthday this past week, I realized that every day these past twelve months have actually felt like a big adventure, as both a mom and a professional. And that with hard work, good luck and good intentions - you can really live your happiest life.

Somehow, I have found myself on t.v. on a regular basis, having a really fun time. I have a dream schedule, kind and flexible co-workers, a great husband who wins us fancy trips because he kicks some butt as well, and wonderful friends.

I realize that my conscious decision last January to live "more intentionally" is really panning out for me. I am spending my time with the people that matter and with people I really want to be around. I'm trying to make every day count. I'm surrounding myself with positive people who support, love and make me feel like a better ME to be around them.

By focusing on myself, my goals, and just plain spending time doing what I think is fun - it's made my life incredibly fulfilling and happy, and I am in a very happy place right now. What a great way to randomly kick off my 37th year! Who knew?

My Five Year Old Boy...

2011-03-16T21:05:00.003-04:00

Tonight, you stood at your bookcase, picking out a book for bedtime. I watched you on your tippy toes and saw how tall you were, how big you seemed. You actually read the "baseball book" tonight, by sounding out letters and looking at the picture for clues. I thought about the last five years with my "baby boy."

You have always been easy...a sweet, quiet, laid-back baby, a low-key toddler. I try to remember you at two and three years old. Shlepping you to all of sissy's "things" early on (preschool, dance, etc). Getting to know life as a mom of a "son." Something that (for some odd reason) never crossed my mind as something I'd ever get to do until I heard the words "it's a boy!" Chubby tan feet, specific trips, summers, Christmas, what you were "into" at those times. Letters, Elmo, Superheroes.

I don't like that I can't remember every detail of the past five years. Because as you stand here, at the base of boyhood, I want to remember every second of it all. But it's in our heart forever. And it's why I meticulously save and organize photos, and this blog, of course.

So tomorrow morning, you wake up a five year old boy. You can't wait to share Leprechan floats with your class, and open gifts with Meema and Boppa at night. On Saturday, your seven best boy friends will come over to celebrate with you at your "Football Party."

Tonight, I hugged you tight and asked you for the last hug I get "from a four-year old Tomma." You are every bit the boy you are today because of how we've lived the last five years. Every hug, every story, every adventure, every day. I am so proud of the big boy you are becoming, and you make me smile every single day.

Happy 5th Birthday, my little Tomma!

Kindergarten Papers...

2011-03-02T13:04:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, we stopped at our school administration building and I showed an original birth certificate, two proofs of residency, and filled out three enrollment forms. Tommy is officially signed up for Kindergarten this fall.

He is SO ready and SO capable and SO smart and SO independent, I do not worry about him at all. In fact, he's sort of ticked he's not in Kindergarten right now. :)

All year, I've been loving our Mondays and Wednesdays together. No school, open days, less of a schedule, errands, togetherness, alone time. On these days, I feel like I am still holding on to the very last bit of "little, little kid" time I have left. The last few months of having a boy not in school every day, with time still left for library visits, Targeting, play dates with little boy friends, walks in the sunny snow, and a game of PIG in the basement.

On longer preschool days, he sits in the back seat giving me full reports on his day, talking a mile a minute with exhaustion in his eyes.

But until then, I will hold him tight and play and play our days away. Because now I know...what others don't say, or maybe don't feel the way I do. And that is, that first grade is a big deal. And being away from them for eight hours is not fun for me. And that I really, really miss them each and every day and cannot wait to get them from school.

So when the summer ends, he will be on his way. He will be so, so ready. And I will be anxiously waiting for him after school, to spend every second I can with him.

Luxury...

2011-02-22T21:19:00.006-05:00

Nothing else can explain the week Matt and I just had at the Four Seasons Resort in Maui, Hawaii. A week of relaxation, pampering, more relaxation, fabulous food, drink, and new adventures. It is simply a trip that I feel everyone should try to do once in their lifetime. It was as MAGICAL, child-free trip. Oh - and also? It was FREE!

I missed the kids terribly. There were no hiccups while we were gone and Meema and Boppa were fabulous. The kids were seemingly unfazed by our absence and I thank my lucky stars for my parents or, quite frankly, this trip just would not have happened.

I also won't forget the loving reunion and hugs when we arrived home. It was fantastic and the kids were glued to us for about 48 hours straight. We were SO happy to see each other.

It was worth all the hassle and planning and stress. It was FABULOUS.

Being a Leader...

2011-02-11T13:59:00.009-05:00

Lucy is working on learning about mail in school right now. The kids all made their own mailboxes and Valentine's bags. Each day, they write each other little notes, and practice filling out real addresses on real envelopes.

The other night at the dinner table, we talked about these notes. I asked her who she wrote to and who she received letters from. Then she said, "You know what mom? K and B didn't have any notes in their mailboxes, because they get in trouble a lot and don't have a lot of friends. So I wrote them both notes so they'd have something in their mailbox."

I told her that was just about the kindest thing I had ever heard a first grader ever doing. Then Dad told her that it was something a real leader would do, and how proud we were of her. I especially liked that she did this completely unprompted, and probably wouldn't have even mentioned it if I hadn't asked the questions at the dinner table. My girl.

This morning, I was lucky enough to spend two hours volunteering in Lucy's class. The teacher keeps me busy - there is no lolly gagging in first grade. I assessed 20 kids on their work with money, made a poster for a toy store, stapled 25 Valentine's together, and took everyone's picture for an upcoming craft. Whew! But the highlight was when it was time for four kids to stand up to the microphone and read their chosen poems. Kindly, Lucy's teacher chose her so I could see her in action.

I saw some smiles and whispers between Lucy and Mrs. B. Apparently, Lucy had chosen
a song, of course, from the Martin Luther King Celebration a few weeks back. AND...had requested to sing it to the class. A few clicks of the laptop by Mrs. B and the entire class has broken out into "The Waving Flag" with clapping, viewing of the video on the projector, and Lucy Cavanaugh belting out the words into her microphone.

"I can't believe how brave I just was," she said (with her toothless smile), as she hopped right over to a chair near me so I could assess her money skills. Um, yep. Just another Friday morning in the life of the amazing Lucy.

How Far You've Come...

2011-02-02T18:20:00.009-05:00

Eighteen months ago, I stood in front of Lakeside Elementary, with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. I heard you sobbing for me, trying to run out of the school, as I thrust you at an unknown teacher who held you as I walked away.

You cried at Kindergarten, you cried at Sunday school, you cried at soccer practice, you cried when I tried to go to a meeting. You were horrible at home and acted out with everything. Those 30 days were not your best 30 days.

Last Tuesday night, I stood inside Lakeside Elementary, with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. I cheered and clapped and found myself looking around at other people like, "Is this really happening? Is that really her, who just remembered four different lines at four different times? That belted out four songs, with every parent and every student staring at her?"

You smiled, waved, laughed and beamed like I've never seen you beam before. You spent all of January working your tail off at after-school practices, you would do your homework happily (after a nine hour day!) and wake up with a spring in your step. You jumped two reading levels and learned math families. You missed us terribly but loved us up when you were home. These 30 days were possibly the best 30 days you have ever had.

I was a proud, proud mom. But what I really loved was seeing you LOVING what you were doing, 100% confident, and so very proud of YOURSELF.

This was you, when you were six, in your very first play. Totally comfortable, totally capable, and a 100% happy Lucy.

Loving Each Other...

2011-02-01T14:18:00.003-05:00

For whatever reason, my kids don't get on each other's nerves too much. In fact, I think they truly miss each other when Lucy is gone all day at school. There is nothing better than hearing them playing in the basement and laughing their guts out.

Lucy has always been steadfast in her love of neighbor Annie as her "very best friend." But the other morning, as she was headed downstairs to play with her brother for 30 minutes before school, Lucy spontaneously said to me, "Mom? I know I say Annie is my best friend but Tommy is my #1 best friend. Annie is my #2 best friend."

A-dorable.

Toy Story...

2011-01-25T13:24:00.002-05:00

I will admit that I sobbed at the end of Toy Story 3. Do you have a little boy? Have you seen this movie? You will sob, too.

Last night, Matt read Tommy the book, "Toy Story 3" and I came into Tommy's room to give him a "finale kiss and hug." He told me he was so happy to read Toy Story 3 and then this happened...

Me: "Tommy? I don't even want you to grow up like Andy."

Tommy: "WHY?"

Me: "Because I love you as my little boy and I just don't want you to ever grow up and move away."

Tommy (while hugging me): "But I have to, Mom! That's how I am made! I have to grow!"

Ugh. This parenting thing. It kicks you in the gut every once in a while. Hug tighter! Be more present! Appreciate! What else can you do....

Loving You Means...

2011-01-19T12:49:00.004-05:00

Missing you so badly each day at 3:30 p.m, and trying to keep myself distracted until 4:50 p.m. when I get to go pick you up at play practice.

For reasons stated above, grabbing you for a "special lunch" one day the past two weeks. Last week, we held hands and talked about nothing while mowing on a hot dog. Today, I just brought you back to our house and you said, "it feels really good to be home."

Curling your hair before school, and then you telling me your teacher complimented your 'do and said you looked "sassy" today, with a huge toothless grin.

Buying you a good bathing suit for swimming lessons and "sport socks," because you love them.

Doing that "extra song" and blanket tucking at night, because we both like it.

Noticing how utterly confident you are among your peers and how school really is a second home for you. Side note: I continue to be seriously impressed with this school.

Watching you and your brother together, so obviously happy to be "back together" at the end of the day. Last night, you had me play an old game in the basement (I sit on the floor and pretend to grab you guys as you run by - no sense). We were laughing our guts out and I could tell how happy you were, and how happy Tommy was that his sister was giving him 100% attention.

Feeling lucky to be your mom...

January, So Far....

2011-01-14T14:19:00.004-05:00

What, you say? January in Michigan is horrible and boring? Well, this has NOT been the case for our family, due to the following reasons...

1. Lucy's 1st Play! Lucy knew, from the moment the teacher mentioned auditions, that she would love to be in the school play. I took her to last year's school play, because I just the feeling she would be into this whole play thing the following year. Sure enough, the girl auditioned (with 4th and 5th graders!) and even sang "Twinkle, Twinkle" in front of everyone! Thankfully and impressively, the play director decided to create a "theater workshop" for all the adorable, brave (yet easily tired-out) 1st and 2nd graders. He even made a "mini schedule" for them, along with their own little play, 101 Dalmations. Lucy is a poodle and has TWO speaking parts! She has been going to after-school practices and LOVING all of it. We play the CD in our car and she practices her lines with us at night. I can't wait to see this play. How far she has come from that little, scared 5 year old on the first day of Kindergarten.

2. Tommy's in soccer! That's right...Tommy is having his first taste of soccer, having never played the sport before. Somehow, he seems to know the basics and is having a blast every Tuesday afternoon for one hour. The only semi-interesting component is that it's a class for 3 and 4 year olds, with well over 50% of the class clearly being 3 years old. With Tommy two months away from his 5th birthday, he seems to be a little more (ahem) motivated than the other kids. Ah well..he's having a blast. By the end, he is sweaty and red faced and happy. I have a sneaky suspicion Tommy is going to love EVERY sport available, and is going to have to figure out his "Top Three" to focus on later in life...what a nut!

3. Key West, Florida! Matt and I were lucky enough to sneak out of the winter snow and headed out for a long weekend in Key West (he won the trip via work). It was a hilarious blast of sun and fun. We know, for sure, we will be going back. The vitamin D did wonders for our mental health. So did the poolside massage and pina coladas. The kids had tons of fun with Meema and Boppa and all seemed to run swimmingly back home.

4. Lucy lost another tooth! I am talking a biggie....a front one from the top! With that tooth missing, Lucy has a totally different look. It's the look of an "elementary school big girl." You know the look...nothing "babyish" left. Darn it...

And moving ahead, we've got ski lessons, a trip to Detroit, the play performance, dinner club and the Orchard Ave. Progressive dinner...all in the month of January! No boring for us, I say!

Christmas 2010

2010-12-31T10:31:00.008-05:00

Another holiday has come and gone, and with it, came all the magic and fun and excitement that should be for a six and four year old.

Festive events included: Making a gingerbread house with Lucy at her school party, going to the Lakeside school concert, Tommy having TWO preschool holiday parties, an annual trip to Meijer Gardens to see the Christmas Trees, Christmas Eve mass, lots of laziness and relaxing time with family and friends and, of course...the arrival of SANTA!

We threw reindeer food in the driveway, we read Polar Express, the kids made special cookies with Meema and Boppa, we tracked Santa on TV, we received special emails personalized to the kids. We ate hot appetizers and drank wine and laughed with Meem, Bop and EE. We. were. ready.

The bells rang outside at 8:15 p.m.. on Christmas Eve. Lucy and Tommy heard it and ran like the wind straight upstairs to brush their teeth, with sheer panic in their eyes. "We have to go to bed!! Tell everyone to leave so Santa comes!!!" A-dorable.

But the best item of all? A card, left just for Santa from Lucy. She asked him for something very special (a surprise, and not a gift at all!) = one of his bells. The next morning, while opening stockings, she looked over and saw that THE BELL was actually sitting there. An old, metal, REAL bell! Her eyes welled up with tears and she told me what she had done. She was shocked and 100%, with all her heart, believed that Santa left that bell just for her. It was the best moment of Christmas and a priceless one that we will remember forever. Now, that magic bell is hanging on our Christmas Tree and will be placed somewhere special every year so that we always remember the magic of the Christmas season.

It was just The Best.

Time to...ugh....Get Ready...

2010-12-14T20:31:00.006-05:00

Oh how hard life can be as a six year old little girl. Who are we kidding? Oh how hard life can be for a mom of a six year old girl. Painful at times....

Lucy, you are growing rapidly...up two sizes in less than a year! Everything from summer (and even this fall!) is too tight and are floods. Therefore, I can barely keep up with you and your clothes. I feel like I am constantly shopping. I feel bad for you, as you aren't really sure what you even want to wear these days, what you like or don't like, what feels good or not, and you are getting more and more self-conscious about yourself. You suddenly want everything baggy and "stylish" and "sparkly."

"I don't want to look cute, mom," you will say to me. Apparently "cute" is defined by a nice pair of jeans and a solid colored long sleeve t-shirt. "Boring," you say. Huh.

With this, comes LOTS of fun from 7:40 - 8:00 a.m. This has truly become the new "witching hour" for me. To be honest, these days I would rather pour salt water on a paper cut between my toes than head upstairs with you in the morning to "get ready." Most days, you end up in tears and I am doing deep breathing exercises in frustration over you refusing to wear what we set out (and agreed upon) the night before, or your unhappiness with your hair (too poofy, not poofy enough, a ponytail, no a headband, blah blah....), OR your decision to wear weather-inappropriate pants or shirts.

Today, for example, it was -12 degrees with the wind chill factored in. You. Wanted to wear grey exercise capri pants and an olive colored Old Navy sweatshirt (hand me down from a male neighbor at a garage sale).
Neat.

So I breathe and you breathe and somehow we compromise. You got your leggings and your hair in some odd ponytail thing. I got a normal sweatshirt and a longer t-shirt that made the leggings look, um...a little more appropriate.

We got to school with (literally) two minutes to spare.

If this is what you are like at six years old...what in the WORLD will we be dealing with when you are thirteen?

As we go through all of this, I am once again reminded that I am a MOM. A real mom who is already power struggling on a typical issue with her daughter. Except that it's not just any mom and daughter.

It's me as mom. I was just fighting with my mom about trying to sneak out the door to high school with her sweater on. (Side note: WHY I ever wanted to wear my own mother's clothes is beyond me. I dressed like I was 45 years old as a senior in high school. Gantos, anyone? County Seat? No sense....)

And it's Lucy as the daughter. But wait - she was just born! She used to let me dress her like a doll every day! Oh those clothes when she was 18 months old...is there anything CUTER on a little girl than those clothes labelled 18 months - 2T????

And WHY, once your child graduates to a size 7, do all the girl's clothes at every store suddenly become BUTT ugly, unflattering and FULL of strange designs and accessories? But I digress....

Now it's the two of us having a typical mother/daughter argument over a typical issue and I am saying things like, "You have two minutes to get dressed and get downstairs." or the old classic, "Mrs. Battle will call and tell me I am not a good mom if I let you go to school dressed in summertime clothes!"

And by "old classic," I mean, "totally absurd comment."

In the end, we always make sure and leave each other with a smile at 8:15 a.m. She still gives me a hug and a kiss in the first grade line. She'll still yell, "Love you mom! Love you Tommy! See you after!"
And really...it's pretty much all that matters.

As long as she doesn't tell people I am her mother while wearing that absurd shirt with glitter falling off of it onto the classroom floor. Ugh....
:)

When You Wish Upon a Star...

2010-12-07T11:54:00.008-05:00

Meema and Boppa took EE and I to Disney World when we were eight and four years old. I remember the Fort Wilderness boat launch, walking through the park, and eating at a restaurant. The rest becomes a blur of later Disney trips and I can't quite decipher what came before or after.

I know you won't remember this whole trip. But I think it's safe to say our family certainly will. While it's fresh in my brain, I wanted you to know...

1. Tommy found a star in the sky on the first night and would point it out to Meema each night of our trip. It really did shine bright every night and you could not miss it.

2. How GOOD you guys were. Seriously, we ran you ragged and you never complained about waiting, crowds, late nights or our 100th bus ride. You got along well and didn't ask for too much. I could tell you knew (especially Luce) how LUCKY you were to be there.

3. Lucy dancing with Mickey and Minnie at the Backyard BBQ - and making a friend on the dance floor. You were so brave and happy.

4. Both of you, telling me on separate occasions that this very day is "the best day in the world!"

5. Lucy telling me, while waiting for the Fantasmic show and mowing on REAL Pizza Planet pizza, "I am in HEAVEN!" You were so genuine and happy and couldn't help yourself!

6. All the giggles, laughs and special rides with E.E., Meema and Boppa. You always chose who you were going to ride with and you both tried to be real fair (even though we didn't really mind). :)

7. How happy you were to be swimming outside on our last full day. We were so happy we had time to make it happen for you. You did the big pool for a while, but were happiest at the kiddie splash pad and slide, and would go down the slide together holding hands.

8. Random moments with you both where I could barely stand not to hug and kiss you to death, while standing in the middle of wherever we were.

We are so, so lucky....

What I'm Thankful for Today....

2010-11-24T05:14:00.004-05:00

A husband who can't wait to get home at the end of his day. Who is understanding, and helpful and funny and still my very best friend.

A little boy whose cuteness makes me want to eat him up on a daily basis. Whose enthusiasm for everything life offers is contagious and who makes me laugh at least 40 times a day.

A little girl with a constant glimmer in her eye. The one that you are supposed to have as a little person who loves and trusts her world and is having the time of her life. Who is shocking me daily with her brains, creativity and overall hilariousness.

For another year of health and happiness for our entire family. Always forever grateful.

For my very best girlfriends who I cherish so much, who make me understand myself better, who help me through the tough things in life, and who make life one big laugh-fest.

We head out on vacation in four days, to Disney World. I am so, so grateful we can take this trip and have this moment with my family. It's a place I think of when I think of my happiest place on earth. It's a place I think I will remember moments from when I am an 80 year old woman. It's a full circle moment for me, as some of my greatest family memories came from there, and we are passing those on to Lucy and Tommy. Where Tommy can be his ultimate little boy self, and Lucy can let her hair fly on crazy roller coasters. And the only thing on your agenda for the day is pure fun with the people you love the most. What can be better?

Luce...you are a PLG....

2010-11-09T10:39:00.001-05:00

So you got your cast off yesterday....and you still sort of acted like it was broken. I know it's stiff and odd feeling (I can only imagine) but you are being super PLG about it.

You were so excited to wear long sleeve again (after a month), that we had to pack a new shirt to change into at the Orthopedic office. You wanted to look pretty for school and also wore a new skirt.

Because of the arm feeling weird, you proceeded to pull your skirt up and down with one hand when going potty - which, therefore, made the button pop off on your skirt.

Then, after school, you were butt happy and handed me this ginormous baggy with one small button in it and showed me your tummy where Mrs. Battle had pinned the skirt.

Then you got to go to Kohl's with Meema and pick out a new outfit. You picked out this ridiculous pink sparkly shirt and grey leggings that you LOVE. Oh, and it included a belt attached to the shirt. For no reason.

You were so excited this morning to wear the new stylish, outfit and go to the "Theater Workshop" after school in your fancy outfit.

For some reason, I have just found you, the outfits, the arm still being held like it's broken, your excitement and the button situation as SUPER PLG.

hahahaha....love you, Luce!!

My Happiest Place on Earth...

2010-11-08T18:18:00.003-05:00

....is only 19 days away.

“Watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."

Disney World, here we come!

I Ran By...

2010-11-01T13:04:00.004-04:00

I ran by your school this morning, on a sunny, crisp fall day. I thought you might have recess and I was right.

Out of school boomed a happy little girl in a fuzzy pink coat. She found me quickly (oddly) against the fence, waving and smiling.

I fended off thoughts that I looked like a creepy stalker. I loved every minute.

"Mom! Why are you here? Are you running?"

"Yes! And I realized you might be here so I thought I'd stop for a kiss!"

We kissed through the fence. We laughed.

"See Mom? I told you I wear my coat on the playground!"

"I see that! I believed you! Well...I guess I'll go now."

"O.k. Mom! See you after!"

A friend asked her for help and, in a motherly tone, she started to help him find something lost and important to him.

And I ran away from the school, fighting back tears.
Not because I was sad to leave you, but because I was so dang proud of you.
I love you, Luce.

Broken Passage....

2010-10-16T20:18:00.005-04:00

Well, they say that broken bones are a childhood rite of passage. For Lucy, it was barely a blip on the radar. Since I am sure the memories will get misty, here are the details:

You and Sam Tholl raced to the front of the line after lunch recess last Thursday. Sam tripped you. You fell forward and twisted your right arm. Broke the bone right above your right elbow - the humerus, to be exact. The good news is:

*It was your left hand. "I can still do my homework!" you exclaimed in the ER. Bless your heart....
*You never threw Sam under the bus to anyone. "He didn't mean it," you said.
*No surgery - no resetting - no crazy drugs or major pain.
*One weekend of a splint and sling (not a party for me...mom made quick exit to previously planned girl's trip to Chicago so nurse Daddy could be the boss).
*Four weeks of a hot pink, waterproof cast - signed in black sharpie by tons of school friends, moms, teachers, family, Miss Taryn...and everyone we have seen over the past week.

You. Don't. Stop. This cast has done nothing to slow you down. Of course, it is a MAJOR plus that it was not your dominant hand but seriousy? I watched you play 45 minutes of TENNIS this morning, acting like you didn't even have a GINORMOUS cast on your right hand. You are officially a major trooper, Luce. We are so very proud of you and how you have handled this little blip in life.

I shall end this report of the days with this tidbit of the morning:

Lucy and I were in a Burger King bathroom this morning - a quick bathroom stop on our way to Klackle's Orchard for the day. In the stall, I was helping you pull up and button your jeans (b/c of your arm). You suddenly looked at my all lovingly and said, "You are a silly mom, mom. You are just a funny mom."
"I think you're pretty lucky kid to have a funny mom like me, huh, Luce?"
"Yes....Tommy really, really loves you so much." (huh?)
So I responded with, "umm...does anyone else you know?"
Shyly..."I really love you too," and gave me a huge hug.

She almost couldn't do it (she can act like a 16 year old A LOT these days)....but it was a rare moment of feeling appreciated by a six year old and so dang cute. She looked at me like she thought the world of me (which I, of course, know she does) but kids don't say that stuff too much (unless you are Tom Cavanaugh, which is another story) - and it felt fantastic.

For Now...

2010-10-04T12:14:00.002-04:00

It seems that right now, life is filled with "moving forward," "getting bigger," and whatever the "next thing" is.

But for now, I have a four year old little boy mowing on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and watching (aka LOVING) Sesame Street.

For now, he is still so little and happy and the only thing on his agenda is a visit to the library this afternoon with me. :)

Him....

2010-09-29T13:19:00.005-04:00

There's been much talk on this blog of the girl, so I feel I need to share what's been going on with the Tomma.

For one thing: One on one time with mom. He and I have gotten into a nice daily routine this fall. We hit the library on Mondays, swim on Wednesdays, and try to make everyday errands together fun. He is a pleasure to have as my wing-man. I even miss him when he is at school three (longerish) mornings a week.

Than there's the comments I hear. Ridiculous daily comments like:

"Mom? I was hanging out with God and I saw a lady in a really nice outfit and it was you. I asked God if you could be my mom and you ARE my mom!"

or how about...

"In my heart, mom - I really, really love you. You are the greatest mom."

or to himself...

"Boy it's a great day!" or "Boy that lady is fancy!" or "Boy we have a nice house!"

or to a little boy staring at him in checkout at Target...

"Hi! I just got this Star Wars notepad. Ask your mom. If you are good, you can get it in the dollar area at Target right now."

He's always been "a different" and things really have not changed. He is sweet, funny, TALKATIVE, thoughtful, inquisitive and just plain charming. Strangers genuinely seem to make note of him.

This morning at swim lessons, the tough-nosed Coach Joan said to me,
"I've taught a lot of kids and seen some real pistols in my day. I just have to tell you your son is a complete pleasure. He really is such a sweet boy."

Maybe I'm too hard on my kids, or maybe, due to some recent extended family comments, I just needed to hear that from an outsider, out of the blue. I already knew this to be true, but it was really, really nice to hear.

I am so lucky to be Tommy's mom.

She Knows Me...

2010-09-27T11:53:00.003-04:00

Apparently, she got the memo that I have been missing her a lot. This came home in her Friday folder, in an envelope addressed to me.

I was gone this past weekend, having some "girl time" with friends. But yesterday, I arrived home early afternoon and us girls hung out. We went to JoAnn's and got the rest of our items to create the perfect "Ballerina Witch" Halloween costume. We wandered a store or two together. We went for a bike ride after dinner. We snuggled on the couch during the "finale show."

She headed back out into the world this morning...but in line with the kids, right before the bell rang, she said to me, "Mom! Let's not play on the playground after school! Let's go right home and make a ghost costume for Ralph (the doll)!"

Sounds good to me!

Letting Go....

2010-09-15T12:59:00.004-04:00

Funny how you think ahead to things and don't realize how they will feel until they start happening. I am not often caught off guard by feelings and yet motherhood continues to surprise me.

She loves school. I mean LOVES school. Of course, I would want nothing less for her. She has no idea how bad I am missing her. One of many small steps that will slowly send her away from our home. One little girl in a crowd of kids I don't recognize. But it's still our Luce...with all the experiences of us in her heart. She will be fantastic.

You are walking down a crowded street...various shades of people.
Summer's harshest heat, a story in your eye.
Well speak, until your mind's at ease...
The years have come and gone and your story's still unfolding.

If you look into your future life, decades from this question...
Do you imagine a familiar life burning in the distance?

The love that never dies...

Paul Simon

A "Proud High"....

2010-09-07T19:23:00.007-04:00

This sun is setting on this perfect, first day of school, fall 2010. September 7th has been a day, I will admit, I have been secretly dreading since last fall. After the extremely tough transition into Kindergarten for Lucy last year, I was nervous. MORE nervous than I even let on to anyone. Last year was really, really hard on both her and myself, and our family, for that matter.

Throw in nothing less than a seriously magical summer 2010, and it was an understatement to say I was less than thrilled about the whole "back to school" thing.

I stayed positive on the outside (and Lucy did too!) and went to bed last night, hoping for the best and fingers crossed.

Onward and upward to first grade we walked this morning...we held hands and laughed and talked and waved at friends.

We've walked these streets, my little girl and I.
As newborn and new mother, trying to walk off the baby weight - 2004.
As toddler and pregnant mom, spending 45 minutes walking around the block - 2005.
As mother of two under two, bringing them both home after stressful management at the park - 2006.
As mother carrying daughter home into time out for the 5th time that week - 2008.
As a frustrated and sad duo, wondering if she would ever be o.k. at school - 2009.

"What's the most important thing about school, Luce?"
"Tell good jokes?"

What a Rutledge....

"Mom? I think you should work our Halloween party this year! That way, you can dress up like Snow White!"

Sold. Man, she knows me too well.

So this little person, so brave and so "used to her school" (her words for why last year was so hard) just hopped into line, waved and blew me a kiss goodbye.

And breathe.

My heart soared and beamed with pride - I couldn't help but smile at everyone I saw!

Off we headed to good old Children's Workshop Preschool for Tommy. The "big man on campus" felt just as much at home as I do at this school we have been entrenched in for five years.

I reassured a new mom about how great Miss Sherri prepares your child for Kindergarten. I said hello to nervous new moms taking their babies into Miss Gloria's class. I feel old at the school now - like my time has almost past.

As always, I try to never take for granted this time, these moments, how proud I feel. Today was more of the same.

"And time spins madly on...."

Enjoying the West Side...

2010-08-30T17:10:00.005-04:00

The west side of Michigan, as a child, was a mysterious place where our family friends lived with gardens and horses. To me, the west side of the state meant one glorious Labor Day weekend a year of horseback riding, homemade pies, hanging out in the barn and watching the Jerry Lewis telethon on a front porch swing.

Now that I live here, I am exploring even more of it all - and continue to be impressed with the beauty of our state. It's been a wonderful week or so of getting out there, finishing up summer doing the things I had in my brain as "must dos" and some surprises along the way (how did I not know Lake Makatawa with a nearby children's farm and all the loveliness of an east coast vacation?).

I said it this past weekend and will say it here. THIS is the summer by which all other summers will be compared. And with one week left of it, we are soaking it up at the pool (with TWO swimmers now!), very tan bodies, new school haircuts and last minute supplies, a football game with surprise trophies and a trip to Ludington to see old friends. Next week, everything changes. For now, I will take it all in! Thank you, summer 2010. You have been good to us!

The Camping Experience...

2010-08-22T22:27:00.005-04:00

We went camping this weekend...and cousins played and played.

We rode the dunes, we roasted marshmallows and we played on a big "pirate ship."

We swam in Lake Michigan with no one around. We bathed in it too (one of my favorites from back at Sids)!

Tommy was so proud of diving into the waves without a life jacket. Lucy was our little fish, like always.

We stayed up late and "got cozy" in our campers. Little tired bodies side by side.

We laughed at the campfire and told old stories.

I appreciated the time. I admired my mother in law. I loved my kids.

Today would have been an easy day to hurry home and start the laundry. No showers for two days can make a person start to twitch.

Instead, we packed it up and did one more beach day. How many do we have left with only 14 days left of summer?

The kids made a turtle in the sand. I got a sunburn nose.

This is all that matters....our family, these times.

What I know for sure is that is all that really matters.

Just Making Note....

2010-08-11T14:55:00.001-04:00

SAMPLES OF RIDICULOUS THINGS TOMMMY CAVANAUGH SAYS ON A DAILY BASIS:

"Come here, ya little beautiful!" (Said often when he reaches to snuggle or give me a hug)

and

"Mom? I am so glad I picked you to be my mom in heaven. I saw you, and you looked like a good mom and now you ARE the best mom!"

Come. On.

*Addendum:

Yes, Steph is right - I need to add this story for posterity sake....

Last week, I arrived to Gymco sports to pick the kids up from their morning at summer camp. I see Tommy (per usual), flapping his gums to all that will listen. I then realize that he is inviting everyone who will listen to his Toy Story-themed birthday party in SEVEN MONTHS.
And then I hear this directed at Mr. Chad (who is not his normal teacher and whom he barely knows):
"Yeah...can you come early and do decorations? That would be great. Oh wait. You don't know where I live. Well, my mom will pick you up. She's picking people up and bringing them to my house. There will be wine and beer there for the grown ups."

And then over to Miss Stacy: "Um yeah, Miss Stacy? I know you don't know where I live but my mom can pick you up, also."

Yep - he says "also" contantly. Full on carpool coordination happening.

This. kid. kills me.

Just Around the Corner....

2010-08-10T16:25:00.006-04:00

Here I sit on August 10th. After analyzing why I haven't slept much in a couple nights, felt tearful at random happy moments, and felt like I can't spend enough time with Lucy, I realize what's going on. I can feel the countdown. I'm anxious.

Gymco summer camp lasts only 3 more days. We are as tan as we can get. We have checked every summer milestone, wish and event off our list.

Now we still have 3+ weeks of full-on summer and, don't worry, we have big plans to ENJOY every second of it.

But I feel a tinge of sadness. I see my girl run by, her smiling face and tan body....and I realize that she's a first grader. I pray she will do great - be brave - have grown - from that last September we shall not speak of.

My boy looks bigger than ever and will be away from me three long mornings a week.

Work schedules are changing....canceling a sitter because "I don't need her anymore."

This has been an absolutely fabulous summer. One that I believe I will look back on fondly and remember "the summers when the kids were little."

All I can do is trust that I am where I need to be right now. That seasons will come and go....and there are plenty of fun things on the horizon (can anyone say MAGICAL TRIPS??).

I'll keep appreciating the lazy afternoons at the pool, the mornings when Lucy isn't leaving me for eight hours, the freshly pedicured toes, cold beers at 4 p.m., the snuggling of tired, tan kids.

And have faith that something new and exciting is just around the corner.

This Little Boy of Mine....

2010-08-01T20:07:00.005-04:00

Right now, at this moment in summer 2010, Tommy Cavanaugh is 4 (almost half) years old and you are....

The first smiling face I see at 7:01 a.m. You quietly tell me about the adventure that has already started in your bedroom...they don't stop all day.

Full of daily kisses and hugs and lovey-dovey-ness.

A head full of stories to tell - you never stop talking or sharing or telling me ALL the important things happening right that minute!

A tan little wad of a human with a big head and puffy hair and chubby feet I want to eat.

A boy with no fears and all the confidence I have ever seen in a person. You talk to strangers, kids, teachers, etc. like you have known them your whole life. Sometimes people are taken aback by it, but it just makes me giggle. You're going places.

You go out of your way compliment superhero t-shirts to kids in Target or tell a kid at the pool that you LOVE their Iron Man bathing suit. You are very kind.

You are sensitive and tell me you love me all the time. You tell me I am your "greatest mom" when I do things like....bring you your milk.

"My little Andy" from Toy Story. Everything is a narrative of some big story or big scene playing out on your head with your toys. The imagination runs wild....

You are so easy going, it is VERY easy to talk you in or out of just about anything. You roll with the punches...unphased....

What will become of you, little Tommy Cavanaugh? All I want is to bottle you up right now and hold it forever. Man, am I glad I got to have you be my little boy. What would I have done without the love of a son?

One Small Son

One small hand to hold in yours,
One small face to smile,
One wet kiss as he says "good-night"
One small child.

Catch the moment, put it in your heart
The years too soon will fly.
These are precious moments,
more than money can buy.

Two small arms to hold you tight,
Two small feet to run,
Two small eyes full of love for you,
One small son.

Catch the moment and put it in your heart
and never let it go.
Save it for the years to come,
when he, too will know.

One small hand to hold in his
One small face to smile.
One small kiss and she says "good-night"
One small child.

What We've Been Doing....

2010-07-27T15:16:00.009-04:00

Camping Trip = SUCCESS!!! The weather was perfect and we were at our favorite State Park with a great group of friends we have not camped with before. It seriously could not have been a more fun or successful trip. O.k...I guess I am not selling the camper anytime soon. :)

An afternoon at Meijer Gardens! The kids and I grabbed snacks, bathing suits and a blanket and headed over for a few hours of fun, at probably my most favorite place in Grand Rapids. We spent a lot of time at the farm this time (ridiculous photos ensued) and loved the boat playing and "magic water paint." Yep...pretty much don't want this summer to ever end.

Wouldn't Wanna Waste a Thing...

2010-07-13T15:15:00.007-04:00

For some reason, there is nothing cuter or more satisfying to me than having just had a fun, summery time with the kids (whatever that may be), and looking back at them in their PLG car seats all tired, tanned and happy.

This is when I know I have done my job. This is when I feel the luckiest. This is when I internally plead to God to let summer last and last and last...because I don't really want these days to go away. Or for them to keep growing so fast.

I want to remember the two missing teeth, the fuzzy buzz cut, the little, tan, chubby feet, the wanting to hold a toy on the way home to help them feel "cozy."

They were sitting
They were sitting on the strawberry swing
Every moment was so precious

They were sitting
They were talking under strawberry swing
Everybody was for fighting
Wouldn't wanna waste a thing

Cold, cold water bring me round
Now my feet won't touch the ground
Cold, cold water what ya say?
When it's such…
It's such a perfect day
It's such a perfect day

Summertime Continued....

2010-07-06T15:36:00.010-04:00

Yes..not an original title to this post. But this summer, I am plowing forward and not thinking too hard about little things that don't really matter. I am trying to let the house get a little dirtier....trying to respond to that work email a little later...trying to put everything I do with the kids first and everything else second....trying to enjoy every bit of every sunny, warm day.

1. Continuing with my self-created summer commitment of "experiencing something new each week," I took the kids to the Children's Museum to see the new Curious George exhibit. We took a friend for Tommy (Ronen, who's been dying to go, but my poor friend has four children and the other three...frankly, didn't want to go).

So off we headed (with Meema!) and as expected, it was a major hit. Such a hit, that after two hours of letting them wander and play, Lucy asked if she could "come back tomorrow morning." It's nice to get outside our box and try something new - it makes me feel like we are taking a bite out of summer.

Selfishly, I also like to do things like this with Lucy...because in 9 short weeks, my girl won't be able to go to the museum with me on a Monday afternoon at 3 p.m. because she will still be at school and I will be missing her and DYING to go pick her up from her day in 1st grade. Ugh...not ready yet.

2. Teeth! Lucy has been losing teeth! Two, actually. The first to go were the two front bottom teeth. The cute little suckers popped out within a week of each other, which kept the newly crowned tooth fairy hopping. It was so fun to watch her excitement...such a childhood right of passage. It also created surreal moment #578 for me when I thought to myself, "I can't believe it's my turn to be the tooth fairy. Didn't I JUST roll over and see a shiny quarter peeking out of my little pale yellow heart shaped pillow?"

3. Lake Huron..ahhhhhh. And that pretty much sums it up. Ha! Another week under our belt at good ole Sid's Resort. After years of taking a break from this place (haven't stayed there since I was 18 years old), it was so good to be back at the place that holds such great childhood memories for my family. Lazy days of beaching it, eating, drinking, laughing until I was crying, and enjoying the company of the people I love the most. As my sister said the day after, "I think Sid's might be a vortex of sorts...time stands still and nothing really compares to it." I think she's right. It's sort of magic in a really simple way and one of the places I feel 100% myself and completely where I am supposed to be each year for one week. Ahhhh....

4. Lastly, the 4th of July has come and gone in a whirlwind of activities. I ran the Trail Blaze Run that morning, then we headed with neighbors over to the local parade. The kids loved it!! It was 90 degrees so the boys headed home while Luce and I headed to the park to check out the "park party" underway. After getting a tattoo and watching a water show, we headed home with our snow cones and chilled out the rest of the day until dinner and fireworks at the Pulley house! The kids had a serious blast, between the slip and slide, water guns, games, sparklers, poppers and small fireworks show that Matt and Kahle put on for everyone. By 10 p.m. the kids watched about 15 minutes of fireworks and asked to go home. Go figure....but what a FAB day!

What's Been Happening...

2010-06-24T16:29:00.002-04:00

It's two weeks into our official summer and what a whirlwind of fun it has been!

Highlights include:

*Our Lake Michigan day with good friends, ending with a wonderful dinner on a deck overlooking the sunset - tired, happy kids and happy grown ups.

*Our morning at the Zoo - just the three of us...and me being so dang grateful I have these two little kids who make everything so fun.

*Spontaneous ice cream, slushies, coffee visits, "silly band" purchasing and lots of saying "yes" to silly things for not reason other than: it's summertime!

*All the wonderful, sunny afternoons that have flown by at the pool. And the tired, sun-tanned kids in the back seat afterwards.

*NOT having to leave the house at 8 a.m. every day!!!! Yahoooieee! The freedom!!

*Listening to the Coldplay channel on our Pandora station with our new speakers in the back yard.

*Early morning runs outside and having it be LIGHT out at 6 a.m.!

And the excitement of leaving on Saturday for our annual one week on Lake Huron. We are off to SIDS and I can't wait for my kids to experience the place we vacationed every summer when I was little.

THIS is the best summer ever....for real! I mean it this time! Ha!

Day One, Summer 2010

2010-06-14T08:20:00.003-04:00

I have a new blogger that I like to check in with about once a week or so. She very recently shared a thought that described my thoughts exactly...

That's what summer does. Inspires me. To relive childhood happinesses and somehow strive to create some magical land of happy days and colorful memories for my kids.

Today is Day #1 of our summer. It's the first day of the summer I get to have a four and six year old. I decided this deserved some sort of celebratory morning of fun, and so, we are headed to the Zoo and then to sign up for our library summer reading program. If it's not raining later, we will head to the pool and eat a picnic dinner.

This...is going to be a great summer.

The Power of Girlfriends...

2010-06-11T13:40:00.004-04:00

I really treasure my friendships...and when I find a truly good friend, it seems I hold on a bit tighter than ever before.

The daily exchanges, moments, looks, and laughs at the moments that just make you feel "not alone" in this journey of life.

The agreement that we are doing the right thing...or not.

The friends that can say, "Stand up straight," "Don't give them the power," and "It just doesn't matter."

The hilariousness of talking about the past...when we weren't the 30-something moms of this very day.

The calling up in tears when our child is breaking us that day for whatever reason. The words to help build you back up or the words you give others that help.

A glass of wine after a long day and some friendly gossip to forget about our worries.

The friend that doesn't care or notice when you are unshowered, not cute, and your kid is being a ron.

Some might say you get this from a spouse. Sure, they fill this role, but in a different way. There is something about a good girlfriend that is worth holding on to, making the effort, making the call. The payback is well worth it. I am so lucky!

Happy Birthday, Little Girl!

2010-06-06T14:55:00.005-04:00

Luce,

Today you turned six years old! It has been a whirlwind weekend of fun, excitement, surprises, presents, family and friends. You are a lucky, lucky girl to have so many people celebrate you and a family who spoils you!

What stands out to me this year and you at this age:

*You LOVED Kindergarten this year (it wraps up this week for the summer). You are very eager to learn and love everything about the school experience. Friends, learning to read new things, the routine, homework, recess, Mrs. Turner, the playground, silliness, sharing day, your backpack, monthly homework charts, being able to walk "to the office," etc. You love it ALL and have, shockingly, never missed one day of school this entire year. I was actually the same way and I am glad to see that eagerness in you! I truly believe that is what will propel you to great things in the future and I can't wait to see what you do!

*Your sweetness and maturity. You have grown leaps and bounds this past year in your "social world." You have mellowed quite a bit (ahem....you might have needed to). You cope with things better than ever. You love us all so much, especially Tommy. He is the one you write all your stories about at school. This past Friday, when we visited your class to deliver your birthday treat, it was fun to see you "showing off" Tommy to your friends. You even chose him to give you a "birthday wish" in the microphone! Your very kind to others and seem to naturally lead the pack...and for this, I am especially proud. To me, that equates to high self esteem and that is really all I want for you as a little person in the world. Keep being kind and walking to your own beat, Luce! This will get you anywhere you want in the world.

*Your imagination...your songs, your guitar and keyboard playing, your Barbies and dolls, and the constant art projects. You constantly "reorganize your room" into a way only you understand (and drives Dad and I crazy). You and I laugh at ridiculous things all the time and it makes me proud how sophisticated your sense of humor seems to be for your age! That's my girl! :)

It is so fun being your mom - you are such a sweet little girl, my Luce. With your newly loose tooth you walk around wiggling, the pierced ears (no tears!) and your longer and longer legs growing by the minute....it all seems to be flying by.

Six years ago today, you were looking around the world with huge brown eyes....trying to figure everything out. Things haven't changed! Happy Birthday!!

Love, Mom

The End of "Preschool Three's"....

2010-05-25T19:01:00.006-04:00

With your oldest, everything seems odd because it's the "first time" you are going through any experience as a parent. With the youngest, it is all bitter sweet because you realize you will "never be back there" again. Some of the things I was HAPPY to say goodbye to were diapers, pacifiers, cribs, strollers and wet wipes.

One of the things I am sad to say "goodbye for good" to is the Preschool 3's class at Children's Workshop. Such a sweet program for such sweet, innocent kids. Now that I have an almost first grader in a competitive public school program, it is interesting how I now notice how little is expected from these little three and four year olds. How times will change for them in the next two years. How big and independent they will grow to be!

For now, Tommy is wrapping up his Preschool Three's year with Miss Deb and Miss Karen. I think he grew in his socialization with other kids his age. Definitely grew in the area of listening to the teacher, following a routine, learning a system, eating lunch with friends next to him, and dealing with a longer school day. Academically, he can now draw an entire person (including eyelashes, hands, feet and earrings!), write his name (and a few other words as well), write any letter you ask him to without any help, and can count, easily, up to twenty (he doesn't miss a "teen!"). He is a smarty pants for his age, that is for sure. I am excited to see his academic progress grow next year, as he gets ready for...gulp....Kindergarten.

I am happy we had the schedule we had this year (two longer days). It worked well for our family and the Kindergarten schedule. This year that I dreaded ("I am losing my babies! Too much change!") turned into a year where both kids thrived and grew in ways I didn't realize they would. I am so proud of them and the people they are becoming.

Tommy has his whole world ahead of him and I am so excited for the little boy...to see what he does with it all and that brain of his. So we'll say goodbye to Preschool three's class on Thursday.

But as with all my passages of life...it was a year to remember, it was right where we were supposed to be at the time, and now it's really just time to move on to the next adventure.

Nothing Cuter...

2010-05-20T13:25:00.006-04:00

Is there anything cuter than a little boy, all excited about a baseball game? I think not! We stayed until the bottom of the 8th inning on Sunday afternoon and they loved every minute of it. It was a beautiful day for a game...sunny but not too hot. Here's to more sunny family-filled afternoons this summer. I have big plans for us: Whitecaps baseball games, lazy afternoons at Meijer Gardens (it's our first summer as members!!), pool time (no afternoon commitments all summer!), summer outdoor concerts and some actual summertime camping weather in the forecast! Bring it on, summer 2010!

Stopping to Smell the Lilacs....

2010-05-13T20:01:00.002-04:00

I have fond memories of lazy spring Saturdays at 3422 Brentwood Drive. One of which is sitting on the back of my garage in my "secret place." I would go there to hide during hide and seek, write messages with chalk for other kids to find, or just to rest and take a break. The best part about it? Our garage basically ran into four huge lilac bushes. If I sat there, I could actually stick my face in them and smell the beautiful scent.

Now, as I walk Lucy to school, I stop and smell the lilac bushes we run into, and it takes me right back. I make the kids all stop and smell, as well.
"Stop and smell the flowers, chickadees!"

In that moment, I get that feeling inside you get when you have so many memories about something that you almost get choked up for remembering it all right then and you can't believe you are doing it with YOUR actual kids. And no one will ever really know how that smell takes you back to the perfect place that you were so lucky to have, and you are so grateful that you are having that perfect time again.

Walking kids to school brings these memories up in me, for some reason. To me, there is something "old fashioned" about walking a kid to school. I never experienced this growing up, as I was driven to St. Pius Elementary for all my years there. So to walk this little kid to Kindergarten, and see all the neighborhood kids walking, scooting and bike riding with their backpacks on, parents with coffee in hand, strollers being pushed....it's just something to see. It's been almost a year that I've been a part of this public school system but it STILL is hard for me to get used to. I have an almost six year old...an almost first grader...who's asking for ears pierced and "how old do I have to be to walk by myself?"

Surreal, I say.
In the meantime, I'm stopping to smell the lilacs.

Boy oh Boy....

2010-05-09T12:16:00.003-04:00

What a great Mother's Day! Thanks for making me a mom, Luce and Tomma. Boy, I love you. Boy oh Boy.....
Love, Me

When I'm a Teenager...

2010-05-05T14:31:00.002-04:00

Tommy has been talking a LOT about when he is a TEENAGER. He likes the word (I think he just figured out what it means), and he likes to think about all the things he will do when he is THAT big and strong.

"When I am a teenager, I will play basketball, football and baseball. Oh, and soccer."

I can already picture Tommy as the teenager. He learns quickly (like his dad), he's good at sports and is always pleasant to be around. He's a "good guy." He is a typical boy who likes typical boy things - but also has this sensitive thing going that makes him likable and able to hop into any situation with anyone and hold his own. This kid is going places. This kid, I never, ever worry about.

This is not to say I really "worry" about Lucy as a teenager....and maybe it's because he's a boy, but I just feel like things will be easy for him because of his temperament. It is not mine, maybe not even his dad's. I think it is a combo of the two grandfathers he was named after - Thomas and Daniel.

This morning he had a playdate with his best buddy, Scotty Millman. The conversation in the back of the car went like this....

Tommy: "Scotty? When I am a teenager, I am going to walk to high school with you every day." (Incidentally, Scotty lives just two blocks away so this could totally happen).

Scotty: "Yeah! And Tommy? We are going to be on the SAME basketball team, o.k?"

Tommy: "Yes! Umm...I think we are going to be the red team, o.k?"

Scotty: "O.k."

I didn't have the heart to tell him our school colors are blue and maize. But they'll figure that out...when they're teenagers.

Where I've Been.....

2010-04-29T13:26:00.003-04:00

I often pull up this blog....pause for a moment...and click back to my work email, work website, Facebook, etc. Where have I been?

1. Trying to keep my panic attack under control while 8 men are walking through my home (unexpectedly, due to salesmen not sharing information prior to project starting) to install new windows and doors in my house for two days straight. Trying not to freak out when they ask me to sign a "lead exposure" form and tell me that "children 6 and under are most at risk" and that our lead test came back "positive."

2. Due to last piece of information given to me, spend two days sweeping lead paint off my floors, dusting and redusting every surface of my home, and vacuuming multiple times. Watch worker dudes stare at my like I am crazy. Could care less.

3. Pricing, prepping and organizing for our garage sale this Friday. Yep...because why not have one the same week the above items are happening at my house.

4. Eating cream stick donuts (note that is plural), pudding and Twinkies. Once again, I have stellar coping skills.

5. Feeling guilty about mothering, working, volunteering, lack of cooking...and basically feeling inadequate in all areas.

Ever feel like a hamster on a wheel? Ahhh the balls in the air....when they are floating, life is good. When one falls....not so much.

Keeping Up...

2010-04-15T09:48:00.003-04:00

This morning, the kids and I walked Lucy to Kindergarten. I haven't walked Tommy with us in a while (we've done a lot of cars, carpooling, dad staying home with him, etc.). He was so cute and ran along with us with his two superheros in each hand, chatting it up with Caden Fuller. When we arrived, I noticed he was standing with Caden and the other five year old boys in a huddle, just acting like he belonged there and giggling at what they were saying.

Mom at the door: "Boy! Your younger one is a big guy! He will certainly bypass Lucy in size soon!"
Me: "I know it! They are only 21 months apart. He will catch up soon!"
Mom: "Wow...you were busy, huh?"
Me: "Yes, I like to call 2006 to 2008 the "Sweating Years."

And then I was reminded just how far we've all come when I saw this....and thought about the big boy who was with me this morning, keeping up with the kids, running and laughing with the Kindergarten boys....

The Perfect Easter Day...

2010-04-07T13:01:00.011-04:00

A visit from the Easter Bunny, a sunny day, brunch and some kite-flying. A perfect Easter Day!

Girl's Picnic....

2010-04-01T14:01:00.003-04:00

After madly getting things done from Monday - Wednesday this week, I am happily sitting here on a gorgeous, warm April 1st Thursday with NOTHING I HAVE to do.
Just as I had planned...YIPEE!!!

When Lucy arrived home from school (she is not so pleased there is no school for 10 days and I find that pretty cute and encouraging), the two of us decided to have a picnic. With one hour before having to pick up Tommy, we made our sandwiches, grabbed the blanket and cozied up on the sunny front lawn.

We each laid down and let our bodies warm up, talked about our day and how much fun I had helping out on her class this morning. She told me where people are going for spring break. I told her about how long our car ride will be on Monday morning. It was sunny and quiet and just us girls.

"This is the best lunch I think I have ever had, mom," she said.

We both looked down at her still untouched sandwich on her plate and then back at each other and started cracking up. She grabbed my hand and we stayed there.

I know what she meant...and it might have been my favorite lunch ever, too.

I recently read Kelly Corrigan's book, Lift, and really can't stop thinking about it. She makes a point of saying that the average adult can recall about twelve solid memories of childhood. I am not average, as I can remember a TON about my childhood.

Luce - I hope you remember today and us and our picnic. Remember life being simple and me being fun and young and silly. But if you don't remember, that's o.k. too.
I hope this blog is a special gift that will help you know what you were like when you were five and what I was like as your mom at this moment.

But I bet you end up remembering a lot, too. :)

A Happy Boy...

2010-03-24T15:43:00.006-04:00

Dear Tommy,

You turned four years old last week - and the party lasted all week long! I think some people think I am crazy with birthdays (various "celebratory" events, dinners, big parties, etc)...but I always say, "Life is short! You have to celebrate everything BIG!" So that's what I do...and I hope you feel very special because of it.

We had a big Super Hero themed party for you - and you were in your glory. Twelve friends arrived, family was decked out in Super Hero t-shirts, and Mr. Kevin even dressed up as Batman HIMSELF! Your mouth dropped when you saw him and you told me later that you thought he "might have even been real."

Instead of going on and on about how smart and funny and patient and kind-hearted you continue to be, I will say I am proudest of one thing: You. Are. Happy.

You are seriously the happiest kid I think I have ever met. Life is one big celebration to you. You wake up each morning and say, "What will we do today, mom?"

And not in an annoying, "I have to be entertained" kind of way. It's more in a "I don't care if you tell me I get to drink MILK today! That's AWESOME!" kind of way.

You are a lovey-dovey kid, too. You are always good for a kiss, hug, squeeze, or an "I am so glad you are my mom" at any moment of the day. You just do this. Sometimes, I see you in the rear view window of the car and maybe I said something like, "I sure did miss you while you were at school!" or "You are the greatest boy I know!" and for that, you will be overcome with a need to kiss me but since you can't, you'll just kiss your arm and "air hug" me because you can't stand it. You are a different.

You like to tell everyone you know (and don't know) about the day, how things are going, what we are doing next weekend, anything you are looking forward to, etc. You love snacks and stories and Spiderman. You make friends easily, always exude confidence, and never seem phased by anything.

You are rarely crabby...which still amazes your Dad and I. For years, we have not spoken of your calm and low key demeanor, with the worry a terrible phase was brewing if we mentioned it. But here you are at age FOUR and still NO BAD PHASE.

Don't get me wrong - you have your moments. But even this morning, as you crabbed that I forgot to pack your water for our drive, you started giggling about the song on the radio for no apparent reason. I think it was because you wanted an excuse to stop the crabbiness. You were sick of it, too. :)

Today, I pulled out my Wonder Woman t-shirt from your party and wore it to the gym with you, since I knew you'd love it so much. I was made fun of by friends for a. wearing it and b. the fact that it was about two sizes too small. Regardless, I wore it proudly and my exercise class ended up down in the gym area next to where you and the other kids were playing. After a few minutes, a group of kids came to the wall and were yelling at us as we went by. When I passed you, we high fived and I yelled, "I'm Wonder WOMMAAANNN!" When I looked back at you, you were smiling like crazy and yelled to the kids, "That is MY MOM!"

Thank you for being the sweet, funny, and HAPPY boy that you are. I can't wait to see what the next year brings with you, little boy.
Happy Birthday - Love you FOREVER,
Mom

The Fun Car...

2010-03-13T14:56:00.007-05:00

As the proud mother of a Kindergartner and Preschooler, I have ushered in yet another area of parenting: Carpooling.

The neighbors and I have a complicated yet smoothly running weekday carpool routine, that allows me some extra time to run that last errand or get in that shower I desperately need.

So when it's my turn to drive, I like to liven things up.

I blast silly music or a song that makes no sense (to my defense...what child DOESN'T love a nice "You're So Vain," by Carly Simon, at 8:10 a.m?). I sing along.

I may use hand movements that cause my children to yell, "Mom! Two hands on the wheel!"

I play the "what did YOU have for breakfast??" question game. I ask them if they had an old shoe with their orange juice.

I become a loud swedish woman who opens the SUV and yells, "Quickly voo children! Zee policeman is veddy veddy angry at my parking spot. To the Kindergarten door vis you, I say!!"

The kids are wide eyed, giggly, confused, but mostly enjoying the 7 minutes we are together before school begins.

For a while, I didn't know why I did this. Maybe I just liked to watch the kid's shocked face...maybe the coffee had gone to my head. And then I remembered...

The Rutledge Family Singers.

Yes, I was once a member of this fine group that consisted of my dad, mom, sister and myself. When friends were lucky enough to ride with The Rutledge Family Singers, they'd enjoy a car full of harmonious show tunes. For some reason, and I know you will be shocked by this, I thought nothing of belting out the soprano part of a Music Man show tune with anyone who rode along. No ride was too short for a spontaneous song.

No one ever seemed to mind and no one ever seemed to act like it was odd, least of all The Rutledge Family Singers themselves.

And so things come full circle...as I am now a mom. Who rides in cars with kids. And looks back and sees Lucy's lit up smile, because I am the silliest mom she knows. And there really isn't anything odd about it.

Cuteness Mentioned...

2010-03-11T17:13:00.004-05:00

We had just picked up Tommy from preschool and Lucy was hopping out of the car today to go to a friend's house to play:

(Big, unprompted kiss on the lips and about one inch from each other's face)

"Hope you had a great day at school today, Tomma!"

(Smiling at each other all butt happy...)

"Thanks, sissy..."

And off she went.

Bottle it Up...

2010-03-04T21:12:00.007-05:00

The weather has turned and the sun has been shining for three straight days. It does wonders for everyone's spirit and makes me feel more energetic later in the day.

We've been playing outside, pulling out bikes and scooters, riding them over melting ice chunks and drawing with chalk.

I've been closing the laptop for chunks of time in the afternoons, doing some spring cleaning, and spending quality time with the kids.

The butterflies arrived at Meijer Gardens on Monday and we went to the grand opening. To say the kids LOVED IT would be an understatement. So cute...and excited...and loving every small thing. It was one of those nights you want to bottle up and remember forever.

Little Brains Working...

2010-02-25T14:20:00.003-05:00

What She's Thinking...

Everything! Thank god she is home by noon every day because Lucy has an agenda every afternoon. She is busy...

"I'm going to go home and make a restaurant."
"Mom, do you want to watch me draw a log cabin? It's hard to do!"
"Let's do homework."
"I'm making a shower (or hotel or camper) for Ralph and Emily."
"I'm doing Ariel's hair..I need pony tail holders!"

She rarely slows down and that little brain of hers is working every minute. Whether I am "coming to see" what she set up in her room or watching a guitar playing performance in the kitchen, I love to see her in action.

Oh, and also having great conversations with her brother like this in the car, "Tommy...boys have penises and girls have weenies! Get it straight!"

What He's Thinking...

"Mom? Can I hold you all day?" (And then we try and hold each other everywhere we can throughout the day...doesn't last too long but makes me giggle).
"I need to call Boppa and tell him we need Normal Man...I am confused! (or Batman is, or Spiderman is, or a bad guy is....)
When discussing the feeling of anger at "circle time" in preschool, telling his class that he doesn't like when "Mom walks around nude," or "Mom plays the music too loud in the car." Yep...pretty much his preschool teacher thinks we have a nude house party happening at our house now.
Showing off his chosen superhero shirt of the day to all grocery store employees, gym kid's area workers, random people on the streets, you name it.

Trying to enjoy every minute. Reminding myself, as I ate pizza at a place downtown with just my girl today....that I need to stop and smell the roses, sing the songs, read the stories and take the time to "look at Emily's newly brushed hair."

I can feel time slipping away. They're getting taller. Have to soak it all in - this is what matters the most.

The First Annual Daddy Daughter Dance...

2010-02-15T16:37:00.004-05:00

My Valentine...

2010-02-14T12:48:00.003-05:00

Matt was a lucky guy and headed out this past week on a ski trip to Vail with his best friend, Kahle. I have been solo parent for the past five days. Most of the time has been great - with a few rough moments in between. For example, taking thirty minutes to CONVINCE children to get dressed, get in the bath tub, etc. Sometimes I feel like no one can heeaarrr meeee.....but doesn't every mom say this at one point or another?

Speaking of being a mom, today is Valentine's Day and I did what every girl loves to do on this special day....be woken up at 6 a.m. to a three year old yelling, "Mooommmyy...I have to go potty and I am hungry!"

Ugh....we wearily went downstairs, I handed him some milk, turned on Noggin, and went back upstairs to start gulping coffee and watch Olympic play backs on CNN.

After taking them to church and back, I realized I had been up for four hours already. I had breakfast so early, I was ready for breakfast #2.
I also reminded the kids that today was, in fact, Valentine's Day.

Tommy spontaneously gave me a huge hug. I asked, "Will you be my Valentine, Tommy?" and he replied, "Yes mommy....and I have ALWAYS been your Valentine."

Awww....and just like that, 6 a.m. was long forgotten.

My Little Jackie Paper....

2010-01-25T13:35:00.007-05:00

Monday mornings are becoming Tommy and I's special times. Bright Beginning play time at Woodcliff, a trip to the mall and coffee shop together and Puff the Magic Dragon on a loop in the car. He loves that song and as I listen to it, I realize why. It's a perfect song for him - this little boy with a huge imagination and who's brain never stops. Reminds me, yet again, how lucky I am to be a (mostly) stay at home mom to this little boy AND to appreciate every minute with him...almost four...ugh....

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea, and frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee...
Little Jackie Paper loved that rascal puff, and brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff.

Together they would travel on a boat with billowed sail...
Jackie kept a lookout perched on Puff’s gigantic tail...
Noble kings and princes would bow whene’er they came,
Pirate ships would lower their flag when puff roared out his name.

A dragon lives forever but not so little boys...painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys.
One grey night it happened, Jackie Paper came no more...
And puff that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar.
His head was bent in sorrow, green scales fell like rain...
Puff no longer went to play along the cherry lane.
Without his life-long friend, Puff could not be brave,
So puff that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave...

And every time that last verse plays....I catch him getting teary in the rear view mirror.

"I'm just a little bit tired mom....I'm just yawning," he'll say every time, and look out the window.

Don't worry, Tommy...I don't want him to grow up either.

Hey Luce...

2010-01-22T13:25:00.006-05:00

Just in case I don't say it enough....I am so proud of you for the following things:

1. Getting out of bed at 7 a.m. and efficiently eating breakfast, getting dressed, getting teeth and hair brushed and walking in the Michigan cold at 8:05 a.m. with nary a complaint and usually, a smile.

2. Carpooling and play dating with moms you don't know all that well and places you aren't "used to," yet rolling with it just fine. (Incidentally, when I tell her I am proud of her for going somewhere new, she'll ask, "why?" - as if September 2009 is not even in her repertoire of memory, yet stuck in my head for life).

3. Being wonderful in restaurants and stores. I take that for granted now. The other day, Dad and I remembered how we barely entered a restaurant during your age of 18 months through 3 years old. Now I can take you anywhere, even if there's a wait.

4. Eating your vegetables. Trying new things. Being our "good eater," as opposed to a certain small male in our house who eats salami, cheese and popcicles. Nice.

5. Creating a fun art project for yourself almost every afternoon, all by yourself. Currently, you are making a bookmark in the family room.

6. Doing great at swimming class with kids much older than you, even past bedtime. It never gets old to see your little body backstroking across a pool!

7. Always saving an extra excited hug for me whenever we meet up again.

I love you and am so, so proud of you, my girl!

Love,
Mom

Just When I Thought it was All Gone....

2010-01-12T19:31:00.004-05:00

Still in my positive "New Year" efforts on the home front, I took advantage of some alone time this morning to tackle our dreaded linen closet upstairs. I am one of those people who has a clean house at all times, but go to two places (coat closet and linen closet) and you realize I have lost all control.

Off I went to organize and start my usual piles: trash, garage sale item, etc.
I grabbed and pulled out random pillow cases, towels and washcloths and, suddenly, there they were....the last of the baby items that had been hidden away.
Baby towels. Baby washcloths. And lastly, the little pink tub that we would bath our newborn in when they were so teeny tiny.
Not sure how that got stuck back there but so it was.

I remember when Lucy turned three and I realized the towels were getting too small, but I ignored it and made her dry off with them anyway. I guess I hid them away.

I will admit, I threw some in the trash and a couple, still nice ones, in the garage sale pile. Later, Lucy saw the pile and asked me about the towels.

"Is this what I looked like as a baby, mom (towel on her head and smiling in the mirror)?
"It sure is Luce."
"Can I use this towel as a blanket for my babies in my room?"
"Sure," I said, secretly breathing a sigh of relief that there is a reason to still keep one or two in our house just a little bit longer.

And that pink bathtub? It now stores all of our light bulbs very nicely.
:)

Too Old....

2010-01-08T16:41:00.004-05:00

With a new haircut, telling me "I am texting Lily about a playdate," having opinions about outfits each morning and finding random sticky notes with the words spelled out: "My magozin" and "I lik power lucky you" (not kidding)....the girl is just growing up before our very eyes!

Stop growing, Luce!!! I am proud and all....but slow down!

Love, Mom

More memories to get on paper....

2009-12-29T20:57:00.004-05:00

Well, after four years of blogging about motherhood, I am proud to announce I FINALLY have this virtual mother's journal on PAPER! That's right, 400+ pages later, I have a book for the kids to enjoy someday and it feels SO good to have it in my hands. One New Year's Resolution accomplished - two days early! Ha!

Now that the holiday madness is over, the kids and I have been having a fun week being lazy in the morning, playing with Christmas toys, and enjoying our local gym pool. Matt and I even had a date night last night and were happy to have a non-family member successfully put our very "routined children" to bed! This morning, the kids were pumped to attend a half day "camp" at our local gym. They played tennis, made glittery snowflakes, and did more swimming. They were so happy and tired on our way home. Lucky little kiddos.

And lucky me, as I took a morning to NOT look at the watch while I did a solid workout, took a shower, got a pedicure and shopped around town for our New Year's Day gathering.

Lucy even got a call today from our previous, beloved babysitter, Miss Molly, who asked if she could take Lucy out to lunch and to get a manicure tomorrow. She about died when I told her about it. Lucy and Miss Molly look at each other as very special friends and I am so happy Lucy has a relationship like that with someone. I, of course, Lucy's biggest fan, love when people recognize that she's a spunky kid and people appreciate her as her own little person. It makes me proud that she can build relationships like that with people at such a young age.

These times and these breaks in "normal life" are a fun little treat I am learning to cherish even more, now that I have a little Kindergartner who needs to be out the cold, wintry door at 8:05 a.m. during the week.

Tonight we had dinner together at Chipotle and Lucy asked to sit real close next to me. We just snuggled quietly and chowed on our meal (we were starving!). She said something to make me laugh and as we looked at each other with huge smiles on our faces she said, "Ya liked that one?"
She is a hilarious person and sometimes acts way beyond her 5.5 years on this planet.

The little Tomma and I were watching Diego before bed tonight and he pulled my face to his and put both little, chubby hands on my face saying, "You are a wonderful good mom." and kissed me.

What a great year this has been and how lucky am I to be their mom!?

Christmas 2009 in the Record Books...

2009-12-27T14:39:00.011-05:00

What a fun holiday week this has been! Perhaps down the road it will be looked back upon as a year when the kids were SO into Santa Claus. Between our "Elf on a Shelf" (new this year), multiple run-ins with Santa (mall, Crossroads Village, tree lighting downtown, etc.), constantly talking about being on the "naughty or nice" list, watching Polar Express five times, etc. It seemed the topic of Old Saint Nick definitely took over the theme of our holiday!!

The past two weeks have been crazy busy - school parties, gift buying and wrapping, a trip to Flint, trips to Meijer Gardens and the Public Museum, the Princess and the Frog, preparing for Santa, getting to church early, dinner at our place X-mas eve and two days at my parents. I got a mystery cold/sinus infection this past week (figures...I have been healthy for 9 months) but as we all know, moms can't stop - especially at Christmas! We are an exhausted but happy crew.

The kids have spent the past two days loving their new toys, crafts and games. It was a success on all accounts! Happy New Year!

Being a Grown Up....

2009-12-15T14:22:00.005-05:00

Maybe it's just me, but still, on a fairly regular basis, I think it's funny that I am a "Grown Up."

It's sometimes funny to me that I am someone's MOM - their whole world. That I am the source for all their security, love, safety, well being. I mean, really? Me?

Wasn't I JUST singing "Annie" in my basement window well? Now I have these little people counting on me to pack their lunch and remember their homework folder?

It doesn't seem that long ago.

I remember specific days of my childhood. I remember the smell of my neighborhood in the spring. I remember being bored and making up things and riding my bike and running to the neighbors. The "grown ups" seemed so old and well, "grown up!"

I had no idea how a check book worked or how much time it takes to clean an entire house.

It's funny to me that last night, there I sat, a 35 year old woman running a meeting about things like finance and policies. That I have a job with a lot of details that I have to keep straight. That I pay a babysitter and I am the person coming home from the meeting.

Wasn't I JUST the kid who was eating the turkey t.v. dinner on a Friday night, grumbling about how I didn't like the sitter?

It doesn't seem that long ago.

Being a "Grown Up" is swell and all....it just doesn't seem like I'm supposed to be doing this yet. But at the same time, I have had this feeling in my gut lately, that ALL those things I have experienced...

Art, singing, sports, practice, family, holidays, teachers, traditions, the good, the bad, church, grade school, high school, college, single life, new friends, old friends, roommates, boyfriends, good times, bad times, moments, memories....

Prepared me to be this "Grown Up" in the world now. So I guess I need to accept that it's what I am and it's exactly where I am supposed to be.

But I may still get caught singing "Annie" every now and then....

Let it Snow!

2009-12-06T13:50:00.004-05:00

The snow has arrived (7 inches the first night!), and with it, even more excitement over this Christmas season. Lucy was the cutest on Friday morning when she got all bundled up before Kindergarten and headed outside for some play! We walked to school - right down the middle of the road. We were one of the only school districts in town who actually had school. I almost felt bad asking her to hurry it along on our way so she wasn't late. Lots of snow angels to be had this winter!

What a cute little snow bunny!

Promises...

2009-12-01T14:38:00.003-05:00

Tommy: "Mom? Even when I am a grown up I will still kiss you all the time. I promise."

The Day After Thanksgiving....

2009-11-27T16:03:00.003-05:00

7:45 a.m. Mom and dad try to sleep in and the kids play in the basement.

8:30 a.m. Kids catch wind of conversations....decorations? tree? Christmas?

9 a.m. Tomma starts sobbing when he realizes TODAY isn't actually Christmas. "But you said it's after Thanksgiving and after it snows!" (there was about .5 inch of snow on our cars this morning).

9:05 a.m. Wipe away tears on Tomma and try to explain the concept of "The Christmas Season" and counting down to Jesus' birthday.

9:15 a.m. Start bringing down boxes of Christmas decorations. Kids circle around us screaming "Woo! Waahooo!"

9:30 a.m. Kids bring up ghetto blaster from basement with random Christmas music CD. Start jamming out to "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...." while they dance around.

10 a.m. Realize nothing will be accomplished with kids flailing around us. Curious George Christmas movie is put on while we work on getting the tree and lights up so they can do ornaments.

10 a.m. - 10:20 a.m. Asked about 45 times if it's time to do ornaments yet.

11 a.m. Rest for a moment and stare at the lovely tree. Move on to next project...and next project...and next project.

4:15 p.m. Look around at all our hard work and feel excited.

6 p.m. Head out to local tree lighting ceremony for some hot coco and a first glimpse of Santa....

Christmas with a three and five year old. This is going to be a good one....

Words from the Tomma....

2009-11-19T15:30:00.004-05:00

Now You Know...

"Mommy? When I was born, I didn't even know what you were going to look like! I didn't even know who my mom was! I didn't even know what color your coat was.

And then I was born. And I realized you have a green coat and your name is Sarah Cavanaugh."

In the Back of the Car, looking out the window...

(to the tune of the Spiderman theme song)

"Normal man, normal man...does whatever normal can.
He uses his brain and solves problems. He solves people's problems.
Lookout...lookout for normal man..."

Goodbye...

2009-11-17T14:43:00.004-05:00

Off she goes, down the street.
A step ahead to talk to a friend.
I watch her walk and giggle and play.

The blowing blond hair that still surprises me.
Only five years ago, I didn't know who you were.
Only three years ago, you were lighting up the room with your words and that smile.
Only one year ago, things seemed smaller and simpler.

Watching you walk ahead of me, I can still see those baby legs through the sparkle jeans.

I feel the tight hand around mine as we near the door.
Maybe she's not so big after all.
Will I ever get used to the saying goodbye?

Why...

2009-11-13T08:18:00.004-05:00

There has been some talk from my 2 fans that I haven't been blogging as much as I used to. This is a true statement and it does bum me out. Maybe I haven't been inspired but really, the truth is, my brain seems to be consumed with the following things/topics:

1. I have a new hairdo, which now includes bangs and highlights. I enjoy it and have received many compliments on it, yet when I look at myself in a mirror or on T.V., I wonder to myself, "Am I becoming one of those women who gets hairdos to not look old, and yet the hairdo just screams: I am not trying to look 35!!!" Confusing....still working on perfecting it.

2. The kids. Oh yeah, the two people I am wholly responsible for. I feel like time is going so fast and I feel guilty enough about the time I am spending on other things like my "work from home" job and my volunteering position at the preschool. So when I'm not doing those things...I am trying to be very PRESENT with them. We've been making cookies and working on writing lower case.

3. Work. It's sort of a negative drain on me right now. The people I am dealing with our very different than me and a pretty "not fun" group. Maybe I've just had a rough week with it...we'll see.

4. With the weather turning colder, and the fact that I am hosting Matt's extended family Christmas in a few weeks, I have been into house decor mode. I am on my way to Ikea this weekend and am fired up to get some items to enhance and update! In addition, I just got new pics of the kids so a framing montage is also on the brain.

5. Being in charge of things is sometimes fun and sometimes annoying. I hope that my previous experience is actually helpful to people and that I am making good decisions. I hope that people respect me for the leader I am trying to be.

6. I am finding that I very hot and cold with running right now. Either I hate it or love it from one day to the next. Therefore, I am trying cardio classes, spin class or perhaps some weight training. Still chasing those dang 6 lbs. I have been chasing for ohh....2 years now.

Halloweenie Week 2009

2009-11-02T14:41:00.005-05:00

I imagined this week would be exciting, but man, is Halloween AWESOME with a three and five year old! Tommy's Halloween "show" at preschool was a major hit. For some reason, it felt more precious and fleeting than these events have felt in the past. It was so fun and cute to see these little wads singing songs on stage. Tommy was brave, being the first 3 year old onto the stage and telling everyone how much he "loves their costume," any chance he could get. Yet another event where that place feels like a second family to me - those teachers seeing me through good times and bad and creating moments with my kids I will never forget.

Then onward and upward to the new big elementary school parade and party! This one consisted of watching the classes parade through the school with everyone cheering for them - so fun! I think Lucy's class felt like rock stars and for good reason! As always at that place, I hear about it all via Lucy so things remain sort of mysterious but always fun, according to her. Glad it was a success!

Next up? Halloween day! The kids woke up like it was Christmas morning (soooo excited!!!) so we kept them busy until Trick or Treating. They were great and cute and polite. Lucy eventually broke off with Matt and some Kindergarten friends to hit more houses. My mom and I took Tommy the rest of the one block he managed to go around. He was so happy and so grateful for everything. In true Tommy form, lots of spontaneous, "Happy Halloween!" to randoms walking by and those that gave him treats. What will I do with that kid? He is too much 75% of the time. :)

And so we put another Halloween to bed and head into November. I am exhausted but so happy it was all a huge and fun success!

Creative Explosions!

2009-10-26T16:58:00.007-04:00

The girl is busy! There has been a virtual EXPLOSION of CREATIVTY for Lucy over the past few weeks. If she isn't drawing she is writing a song or a story. Is she's not doing that, she is playing the keyboard or singing. She is a busy body!

I especially love her pictures these days. Lately, people have been enhanced with earrings, bows, eyelashes and fingers (things that had not yet been recognized even a mere 2 months ago). I love that her pictures are always happy and cheerful, with smiling Lucy's and Tommy's throughout.

And STARS! She can now make stars and couldn't WAIT to tell "Lily and Olivia and Maddie and Alaia and all those girls" ALL about it. Ahhh the 5 year old girls....the love is LARGE and hugging and "BFF-ing" and the "See you tomorrow's" are almost too much for me to take. Makes me smile on a daily basis.

It is so fun watching her grow and grow and GROW! I wish I could keep all this art forever but her 25-year old self would think I was a nut bag for saving that much. Oh wait, this blog will make her want to hide in a hole as well.
Sorry, Luce! I love you, kid! :)

The Nicest Boy I Know...

2009-10-20T14:47:00.003-04:00

Tomma: "I have something to tell you guys...we had music today and Miss Sherri's class came in our room too! Her class was really enjoying it...."

Tomma: "Mom? I want to give you my "being good" stickers at school because you are such a good mom" (while kissing me and putting them on my sweater).

Why is he so ridiculous all the time?

What I Will Remember...

2009-10-14T14:52:00.008-04:00

Then where does the power come from, to see the race to its end? From within.- Eric Liddle

Numb toes and chattering lips in the 9 minute coral area with John. One hour of nervous laughs.

My confidence in the whole thing, as a first timer. I believe it was due simply to the hours I had put into training and trusting the process.

How the first mile was the fastest mile of my life.

How it didn't seem that crowded for some reason.

How much I loved running past Pasta Bowl, Lincoln Park Zoo, BoysTown, Wrigleyville, Miranda's old apartment, Harry Carey's, Armitage, and all the old places I had spent time in 1998.

That it was pretty quiet and smelled like Starbucks a lot of the time.

Singing Elvis, singing drag queens and dancing men with wooden guns and tight shorts.

Getting unusually sore legs at mile 12 and getting a little worried.

Getting really sore legs at mile 18 and trying to ignore it.

Seeing the Mile 20 sign and realizing, this is no joke. Here we go.

Separating from John at Mile 22 and feeling really alone but then realizing, this is how it should be. Perhaps all along, I was preparing to do this last stretch by myself.

Eminem, Coldplay and Black Eyed Peas, I could NOT have done it without you.

Seeing the Finish Line and feeling like I could barely move my body forward.

Feeling more stunned and shocked when it was over. The happy and accomplished feeling came the next day, for some reason.

Loving every painful minute of the whole thing...

Here I Go...

2009-10-07T14:55:00.008-04:00

Well, in four days, I am off and running. It has been quite a year for me. I trained all winter/spring for the Fifth Third Riverbank Run. After bronchitis, mass flooding around the city the week of the race, and a new, uphill course, I survived. I remember thinking that day, as I ran for the finish line - "How in the HELL am I going to run 10.2 miles MORE than I have just run?"

Fast forward five months later and here we sit. In the back of my mind, since I ran my first 10K three summers ago, I thought I might have a marathon in me. It's been on my "Bucket List" since then and I am excited and pumped to make this happen.

I am well trained. I am a resourceful girl, so I recruited friends to join me for 5 miles here, 10 miles there. But for the most part, I have done this alone.

Dark, rainy parking lot meet-ups from friends were greeted with relief many a Saturday morning. A happy distraction and good conversation for the next 45 minutes.

Leaving at 6 a.m. to avoid the heat in August.

Wanting to eat eggs and bacon and sit with my family on the couch but getting out there, clipping on that ridiculous water belt and doing it one. more. time.

Passing on one more beer or glass of wine on a Friday night. Leaving early from places I was having fun.

Hailing that cab to Grant Park on Sunday morning, I know it will all be worth it. In my mind, the true marathon is really arriving at the starting line, with all your training behind you. Arriving with a healthy body is another goal attained. One that I should be ESPECIALLY grateful for, since many of my friends have struggled with injuries and the like.

My ipod is full of new songs, the weather looks cool, and I am writing my name with permanent marker on my long sleeve wicking shirt so random strangers will cheer my name.

I am ready to run 26.2 miles in Chicago on Sunday morning.

Holy crap. Wish me luck!

Friends, Love and a New Day...

2009-09-25T12:20:00.006-04:00

Well, we are surely on a roll with Kindergarten. We are ending week three on a high note. This includes Lucy's first "new friend from Kindergarten" playdate. Chloe is her name and she lives one street over. They have the exact same hair color and hairdo and they like to call each other "twins." Funny to see them bomb out of the school (first in line) and run to me while hugging, holding hands and grinning from ear to ear. So excited!!

PB & J's have been eaten, showing off her fish, her room, her basement, her dress up clothes, etc. All is well and fun and very, very "5 year old girl-ish." Giggling and laughing and hugging. So dang cute! Happy she has made a new friend she is so excited about.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There has been a lot of sibling love around here lately and for that, I am always grateful. It is seriously my most FAVORITE moment as a parent (and Matt too), when the kids are hugging, snuggling or just generally looking out for each other. Tommy runs to Lucy when he sees a commercial for a "SNOW WHITE DVD, SISSY!!" or Lucy runs over and kisses his large head when Tommy bonks into something (ha!). They have been snuggling in our bed together before bedtime and kissing each other goodbye when we separate for whatever reason (without my prompting to do so). Just a lot of cuteness that makes my heart beam.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's a lovely fall Friday - we've got a night out tonight and a fun weekend ahead. My marathon training is coming to an end and a huge, five month goal is wrapping up on October 11th. I feel so empowered!

Truth be told, I am feeling more enthusiastic and at peace than I've felt in about a month. My "old girl" seems to be coming back and I feel so relieved. I hadn't seen the "real her" in a while and it sure was a yucky, scary feeling. I could actually see it in her eyes that things were different...something was off. Thank god for girlfriends...old friends who I could call and vent to, and new friends who pulled through when I least expected it. Thank god for 6 a.m. runs in the dark because it was sometimes the only moment in the day when I had a clear mind and I could be alone. Thank god for old preschool teachers who gave me a hug because they knew I needed it, and parents who listened to me cry on the phone at 10 p.m. when nothing seemed to be working.

Challenges will remain, but it is nice to feel like sometimes things CAN all go right and good and fun. That all this hard work IS paying off and that phases will continue to come and go, but you are still a good parent, no matter what's going on. No matter what.

In the End, it's All Going to Be O.k....

2009-09-15T20:33:00.006-04:00

...and if it's not o.k., it's not the end.

That's a goody quotie that my sister gave to me a long time ago.

Last week was challenging, to say the least. Most likely my most challenging week of parenting to date. And that's saying a lot...since in March 2006, I had a non-sleeping newborn, and a 21 month old girl who was screaming and jumping in her crib and wanting to potty train, all at the same time. Ahem.

I can't bear to go through all that went down last week, but we're gonna go ahead and say there were MANY moments where I was asking God for strength, crying to random people I barely knew, and calling my child psychologist father at least 3 times a day for pep talks and brainstorms. And breathe.

Yesterday was a new day. We have a plan, we are in sync and things are starting to work. Things are far from perfect. But today WAS kind of perfect. I will take today. All I needed was one really, really good day to know that things will get better. Everything WILL be o.k. And can I get a "Yeah!" for today.

Tommy started his Preschool 3's program this morning. It's a new long day for him (he eats lunch there, packed in his Spiderman lunch box! Exciting!). He was wonderful and cute and a little shy. I had to remind him to give me a kiss and with a quick "ten miles!" (our secret saying for I love you) - he was on his way. He fell asleep in the stroller this afternoon. Pool little guy was too tired from the big first day.

He is the greatest little boy I have ever known. And apparently, he is a fan of mine as he mentioned in the park this afternoon, "Mom? I love you more than any moms in the big blue sea." And perfect.

Dropped Off....

2009-09-08T09:26:00.005-04:00

This morning, we walked Lucy up to her first day of Kindergarten. Over the past few days, she had shared some anxiety about how long she was going to be gone from me and some sadness in losing her lazy mornings with Tommy and I. But this morning, she was eager and excited to get her new school clothes on, her backpack, and head out on the walk to school.

Upon arrival, there was some nervous silliness with some friends. Once entering the school, she was ready to get everything all set up on her hook, etc. I gave her two kisses, walked her in and walked out.

And breathe. And run away before she looks back.

At our elementary, they decided to have an "assembly" to introduce the teachers, sing the school song, etc. ALL of the children and ALL of the parents attended. NOT a great idea for Kindergartners, in my opinion. Sure enough, Lucy walked in weepy and stressed with the teacher's assistant. At one point, she was wailing and calling for me so Matt and I had to hide outside the gymnasium. After dropping her off at places for the past five years, I have learned that a quick goodbye and not seeing us again is the best for us all.

I hated her being so sad and worried. As I sit here and type this, I feel sick to my stomach. However, a very thoughtful friend of mine with a child in the same class called me right away, letting me know she peeked in on the post-assembly class. She reported that Lucy was fine, engaged, no longer sad. UGH....I wish it had started out this way.

I SO hope she has a great next 2.5 hours with lots of fun. I SO hope at pick-up time, that she is smiling and singing a different song. And I REALLY hope she wants to go back tomorrow. Oh please, God, let her be excited to go back.

Too bad I am a wilting flower and will definitely NOT put in my two cents when that parent survey comes around regarding how the first day of school rolls out. Uh huh.....

***Post Pick-Up Update: Smiles and happiness. No sad words and definitely seems to want to go back tomorrow! Yipee!

Killing Me Softly...

2009-09-02T20:32:00.002-04:00

I try to keep this blog light and breezy and all good news, etc. BUT. I can't take it anymore. Lucy is killing me. Killing us ALL right now. I believe she will find it humorous to look back on her ridiculous behavior someday and for that reason, I shall share not only the good, but the bad and the ugly as well.

Things that have happened in the last 2 weeks that are utterly absurd and left me stressed, sick to my stomach or basically wanting to kill her include:

1. Throwing a fit when I try to leave her with a babysitter to go to work for my whopping 4 hours/week. This includes scream-fests down the street while the 14 year old temp sitter stands there looking confused. (p.s. new regular sitter starts next week. Thank the lord, Jesus). Rumor has it another little girl did this about 25-30 years ago, as well, but I can neither confirm nor deny this.

2. Throwing a fit when I say really mean things like, "Hey. Time to go inside and eat."

3. Throwing a fit at my mother in law's home during her first overnight experience. Telling her really neat things after a fun day like, "I don't like this house. I didn't want to come but my mom made me." Ab. Surd.

4. Whacking her brother for no reason or for ANY reason, causing him to cry and through his PLG tears, say things like, "Sissy is trying to break my stomach."

5. Throwing a fit at bedtime for "one more kiss," "one more song," or "one more story." Seriously, didn't we cover all this when she was two??!!

The list goes on...and Kindergarten starts Tuesday morning. We have high hopes that school starting will "reset" her little whacky internal clock or neediness routine she has going right now.

One minute she loves me, the next minute she doesn't want me around. The dependence vs. independence fight within her little five year old body is just going nuts right now. Let's hope the fight ends soon, before I get sent to the looney bin.

Simple....

2009-08-27T13:21:00.002-04:00

As I handed Tommy a plate with a PB & J on it:

"Thanks, Mom. You are the greatest mom I've ever, ever had."

You Can't Say We Didn't Try...

2009-08-25T19:58:00.010-04:00

You will never be able to say we didn't try camping in the summer of 2009. I wonder if we will talk about this strange summer for years to come, due to the especially cold, rainy weather.

We had two camping trips scheduled this summer - one to Higgins Lake and one to Manistee. Both were busts. There was lots of rain and thunderstorms. There were high winds. There were temperatures too cold for us to head to the beach. But we managed. We were able to sneak in a few s'mores and some fun bike rides around the campground. We did see the beach at least one day and had a GREAT time visiting with the Minor, Allen and Cavanaugh families.

But there was a lot of sweating on our parts. A lot of "taking one for the team." A lot of secret conversations away from the kids like, "WHY did we decide to do this?" or "WHAT are we going to do with this entire rainy day?" and "Seriously...could it be worse??!!"

We do it all for the experience and the sheer fun of getting outdoors with the kids. Matt and I both love it and want our kids to experience the simple pleasure of camping. We love the IDEA of walking to the beach and playing, coming back to a burger on the grill and songs around a campfire. Unfortunately this IDEA never became a REALITY this year. But we will prevail. We are already talking about places we should go next year. We might be nuts.

BUT - the kids have had a blast, despite the dismal weather. They seemed relatively clueless about what they were missing with the cruddy weather. Someone asked Tommy yesterday what he liked most about camping and I was curious what his answer might be.
"Sleeping in the camper," was his response.
Hmm. Who knew that was the highlight? I guess it IS an adventure to just be somewhere new with the entire family within 5 feet of him. Ha!

We'll try again next year, but for now...this camper is folded up until next summer.

Hang out Summer Sunday...

2009-08-17T21:06:00.003-04:00

I have made a decision to just "hang out" for these last three weeks of summer. No summer camps, no major commitments. Yesterday, we decided to sloooow down. We all slept in, ate breakfast late and rode our bikes to the park. Later, I set up the baby pool in our back yard and the kids played.

It's days like these when I stop and smell the flowers, enjoy the simple things, and remove the junk from my head. The recipe for the perfect day.

Self-Motivate

2009-08-14T10:35:00.002-04:00

This is what my Saturday mornings look like these days....

Appealing, huh? "They" (meaning the crazies that have done this before), tell me I am rounding the bend (apparently the "post-16 miles" portion of the marathon training) where you might begin to ask yourself, "WHY am I doing this?"

"Why am I running for 2.5 hours on a Saturday morning, away from my lovely family eating waffles and snuggling on the couch?"

"Why am I not allowing myself more than one light beer on a lovely summer Friday evening in August?"

"Why am I pretty much taking on one more thing at this point in my life?"

Ahem....so I have already sort of "gone there" in my brain. At about mile 12.

However, I am really enjoying the training for the most part. Weekdays are a breeze and I actually like running 9 or 10 miles on a Wednesday as I step up my game. I get super excited when I think about running through the streets of Chicago with people cheering me on. It's tough to train alone, but last week, I pictured all the thousands of people who were out there...just like me...maybe running alone for their own reasons. We will all come together on October 11th to run 26.2 miles, after months of running alone, staying extremely self-motivated.

Odd, but exciting! Off I go...oh wait, I have to go eat some more.